random thought from 10 years ago

sschind

Cheesehead
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I was doing some housecleaning on my computer and ran across this file I had written almost 10 years ago. Some of them seemed a lot more funny then but keep in mind it was 10 years ago.

Hope you get a chuckle or two

INDICATIONS THAT YOU ARE A DIE HARD PACKERS FAN


You endure 20 years in a bad marriage because every time your wife yells “GO PACK” you think that maybe she is starting to see things your way.


You name your child Mike thinking it will give him a better chance at being named head coach of the Green Bay Packers one day.


You keep telling everyone that Barry Sanders was overrated and point to the grand total of 0 super bowls that the Detroit Lions won during his career as proof.


You refuse to capitalize the letters “M” or “V” when writing minnesota vikings. ( I do this)


Your 2nd grade son is sent home from school for taunting a fellow class mate, who just happens to be a Chicago Bears fan, with the phrase “Butt Kiss” repeatedly.


You accuse Chicago Bears fans of living in the past when they bring up the fact that 2 of the Packers 3 losses in 2007 came at the hands of the Bears, while managing to included the phrase “12 times world champions” at least twice in the same sentence.


Your top 10 list of greatest quarterbacks of all time includes 3 Packers. I’ll let you decide which 3.


Whenever your parents start harping on you about not going out and getting a job you calmly tell them that you are not into quick fixes and that you prefer to build through the draft.


You start a grass roots campaign to change the Wisconsin state motto from “Forward” to
“Favre-4-Ever” and you even designed a clever logo.


Your son flunks out of kindergarten because he keeps on insisting that the primary colors are green and gold, not red, yellow and blue.


You keep on insisting that it’s green and gold when in fact it is green and yellow


You get arrested for disorderly conduct after being told for the 50th time that you can not have your as yet to be born grandchild placed on the season tickets waiting list. You are 23 years old and your son is 2.


You believe that last years 1st round pick is a complete bust and that the Packers should trade him. You figure he should be worth at least a 1st and a 2nd in this years draft and a 1st and a 4th next year.


You refuse to acknowledge the city of Burlington as long as they keep bringing up Tony Romo.


You insist that Saint Patrick was a Packers fan because “Green beer and the yellow pee, a coincidence, I think not”


You’ve been in therapy since 1997 because you suffer from intense internal conflict for vilifying Mike Holmgren for leaving the Packers for another team while deifying Vince Lombardi even though he did pretty much the same thing.


You can’t understand what all the fuss is about. You think that introducing the Wolf to Wisconsin was a good thing.


You have a sign in your entry way designating it as “Lynn ****ey foyer” (I have no idea why I thought that was a good one at the time.)


You have scribbled out Jim McMahon on every picture of the 1996 super bowl champions that you have ever seen.


On your epic journey to visit all the State capitals you secretly give thanks to God for Lansing and Springfield just so you don’t have to admit driving through Detroit and Chicago.


A very small part of you hopes the Packers never win another superbowl because then you would have to give up your “12XCHMP” personalized license plate.


You have four dogs and their names are “Curly”, “Vince”, “Mike” and “no not that Mike, the first one” and you are considering getting another one and naming him “OK this one can be Mike too”


You have it written in your will that any of your heirs naming any of their children “Forrest” “Phil” “Dan” or “Scooter” will be disinherited. “Ray” is acceptable only if the child’s middle name is Nitschke.


In contrast to all your hippie friends, you remember everything about the 60’s but it’s the 70’s and 80’s that you would like forget.


You will never, ever, in a million years, root for the Denver Broncos. Unless their victory in that particular game will benefit the Packers and even then you hope that a tie will do just as good. And if they do win you hope the score is 2-0 because the losing team’s punter fumbled a snap out of the end zone. And that no one on the Broncos team actually did anything good in the game. That’ll show them.


You check out the book “The Devine Comedy” from the library because you think it has to do with the Packers of the early 70’s. Although to you it’s not funny at all.


You use the mnemonic Bennett/Gbaja Billamilla to remember your girlfriend’s telephone number (3494)


After years of meditation and three trips to Tibet you have finally succeeded in completely blocking the phrase “4th and 26” from your mind. It has absolutely no relevance in your life whatsoever.


You think that every Packers joke you hear was originally told with the Bears as the subject, or maybe the vikings, depending on where you grew up.


You get kicked out of the bar every Friday night after you start chanting “Bart Starr wasn’t given a fair chance” and refuse to shut up.


You kind of like tigers, but lions and bears Oh My


Bart Starr-Brett Favre, It kind of makes you wonder what David Carr’s career would have been like if his first name sounded more like Brett or Bart and he would have played for the Packers.


Your daughter’s date for the senior prom shows up sporting a green and yellow Mohawk … and you approve.


Covenants be damned, you are bound and determined to paint your house bright yellow with dark green trim.


You can’t help your son or daughter learn to count because every time you get to number four you break down and cry.


You never miss an opportunity to say 0-4 when talking to a vikings fan.


You find that “A fresh start with Bart” and “Forrest will set the Pack on fire” are perfectly acceptable forms of greeting.


You walk out of a monster truck rally because the “Gravedigger” is not at all what you expected.


Your daughter tells you that her new boyfriend works for the KGB and you ask if he can get you an autograph


You refuse to let your son bring Dante’s “The Devine Comedy” into the house because it brings up too many bad memories.


You refuse to attend your daughters wedding because the bridesmaids are wearing purple.


You cringe every time you hear the song “Born Free” because it reminds you of Lions.


Your chest swells with pride every time Wile E. Coyote pulls out a rocket launcher from the ACME rocket launcher company.


You honestly could not care less what GHS stands for.


You lobby the NFL to give the Packers a Thanksgiving Day game every year because what the hell, it’s a holiday and you have to be at home with the relatives anyway and you can’t be out in the woods deer hunting so there might as well be a game on TV that is worth watching.


You get infuriated every February because “It is Lombardi’s trophy after all”


You deny your Scandinavian heritage because that’s where those damned vikings came from.


You would be caught dead in a Ford.


You realize that many of these comments are making fun of you but you have enough class to know that it’s all in fun and you can laugh at yourself now and then.


You never get tired of listening to vikings fans whine and you never fail to offer them a little cheese to go with it.


You admit that Illinois and Michigan would not be so bad if it weren’t for the Bears and Lions but that no matter what, Minnesota would still suck.


You used to hate Ed Asner until someone pointed out that he played Lou Grant. Now he is not so bad.


You would consider naming your son Tobin.


Even though they were pretty funny you still have a hard time watching some of those old Saturday Night Live re-runs. (Again, I have no idea the significance of this one but I can assure you it does have relevance. I just have to figure it out what it is. Oh yeah, the superfans Da Bears)


It kills you to admit that Walter Payton just may have been the best running back ever, and it’s even worse when you have to consider Barry Sanders as well, but then it gets all better when you remember Jim Brown.


You can’t remember the name of your daughters first grade teacher but you know who played 2nd string guard for the 1933 Packers championship team.


Tittletown … Need I say more.


Whenever someone mentions the 1985 Bears you stick your fingers in your ears and repeat the phrase “na na na na I can’t hear you”



YOU KNOW ITS 2008 IN WISCONSIN WHEN …


… Brett becomes the number one name for male babies born in the state in 2008. For females it becomes number three.


… March 11th 2008 officially replaces December 7th 1941 as the “Date which will live in infamy” in all state used history books.


… 2008 is designated as a “time of mourning”


… The riding lawn mower is designated as the official mode of transportation.


… The donning of a cheesehead hat is now required for all members of the legal profession before they can enter a courtroom.


… The entire state retires the number “4” making it against the law to use it in any form of communication under the punishment of banishment to Illinois.


… “We still have the best quarterback in the NFC North” becomes the new state motto.


… The state flag is replaced with one bearing a remarkable resemblance to a wedge of cheese bearing a large letter “G”


… All judges are heretofore to be referred to as “Your Favreor”


… All vehicles displaying a Green Bay Packer car flag are ordered to be driven at half speed.


… McCarthy officially replaces Sherman as the second most popular last name of a head coach named Mike.


… It is announced that in the future, all Packers head coaches will have Roman numerals placed after their first names. Kind of like the Kings of England, or the Popes, which is only fitting since most Packers fans have a higher regard for most of the coaches than the Kings or the Popes.


… Every Sesame Street episode is brought to you by the letter “G” and the number “4”


… A referendum to move the State Capitol from Madison to Green Bay was defeated by 132 votes. Kiln, MS received 17 write in votes.



















YOU KNOW YOU ARE A FOOTBALL FAN WHEN …


… You become an atheist so you don’t have to go to church on Sundays and miss the pregame.


… Your solution to every problem is to punt.


… Your motorcycle helmet has a face mask.


… The phrase “24-7” means something entirely different to you.
 
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