A Lion fans rant

[Zeck180]

A week ago I find this long rant by a Lions fan on a game forum, and it is quite funny. And yes {mod note asterisks covering the word does not count}--a vulgar phrase-- was mentioned over 20 times.

I ALREADY COVERED THE CURSED HISTORY OF THE DETROIT LIONS LAST TIME AROUND BUT HOLY **** 2013 WAS A MELTDOWN OF FUKU****INGSHIMA PROPORTIONS. JESUS CHRIST THE LIONS GAVE THE DIVISION AWAY LIKE A ****ING ENTERTAINMENT CENTER ON CRAIGSLIST. AND YOUR NFC NORTH CHAMPIONS? A TEAM WITH NOT SIXTEEN NOT FIFTEEN NOT FOURTEEN NOT THIRTEEN NOT TWELVE NOT ELEVEN NOT TEN NOT ****ING NINE BUT EIGHT ****ING WINS. THINK ON THAT ****. THE LIONS HAD A MOTHER****ING ROSE PETAL PATH TO THE DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP LAID OUT WITH THE ****ING STARS ALIGNED AND SMILING DOWN: EARLY DIVISION WINS. WEAK***** SCHEDULE. RODGERS SIDELINED WITH A FRACTURED CLAVICLE. SMOKIN' JAY CUTLER OUT WITH A STRETCHED ***. EVEN THE VIKINGS WERE STILL ROLLING WITH THAT ****ING POX PONDER. AND HOW DID THE DETROIT LIONS RESPOND TO SUCH A STROKE OF GOOD FORTUNE? SAME AS ALWAYS: BY ****ING THE DOG. HARD

OH BUT HERES THE FIX: LETS HIRE SIDELINE CORPSE JIM CALDWELL! I MEAN **** DUDE USED TO GET HIS LUNCH EATEN BY A BUNCH OF ****ING BASKETBALL SCHOOLS BUT HEY I BET THE GUY WHO GOT OWNED BY THE ****ING EAST CAROLINA PIRATES IS SURE TO TAKE US TO THE TOP! WHAT A ****ING LOSER. EVEN DRUNK DRIVINGASS COCAINE SNITCH TIM ALLEN BAGS ON THIS ****ING GUY. AND IF THAT WERENT DEPRESSING ENOUGH HEY LOOK WHOS BACK IT'S DAN ORLOVSKY. DAN "WHOOPS I JUST RAN OUT THE BACK OF THE ENDZONE LIKE A ****ING *******" ****ING ORLOVSKY. JESUS CHRIST THE BUCS MUSTVE BURIED THAT MOTHER****ER IN THE PET SEMATARY. ****ING CALDWELL DRAGGING THIS ******* BACK INTO DETROIT LIKE HALF A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER STUCK TO HIS SHOE. "NOPE DONT NEED A NUMBER THREE HERE! ORLOVSKYS GOT IT COVERED." THAT AINT JUST A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. THATS A DINNER READY TO BE ****ING SERVED

AT LEAST WE FINALLY TOOK DAVID AKERS OUT BACK AND SHOT HIM. ****ING GUY KICKED LIKE A ****ING SABOTEUR. KERRY VON ERICH COULDVE MADE SOME OF THE FIELD GOALS THAT MOTHER****ER BRICKED

SUHS GOT NINE TOES OUT THE DOOR AND IM STILL SITTING HERE WEARING HIS JERSEY LIKE A ****ING IDIOT

AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT CALIFORNIA ******* JOE FAURIA STARTS DANCING DURING A GAME THEYRE WELL ON THEIR WAY TO LOSING AGAIN IM GONNA MAKE PERSONALLY ******* SURE THAT IT WAS A SMART DECISION TO DRAFT A THIRD TIGHT END*

*WORD IS THE LIONS SIGNED LIKE NINE MORE TIGHT ENDS SINCE I STARTED TYPING THAT SENTENCE. THE ****ING SQUAD IS 33 1/3% TIGHT ENDS AND MEANWHILE THE SECONDARY LOOKS LIKE THE ****ING 26TH TURN IN A GAME OF JENGA

***** AND GRINS THOUGHT ID ASK MY OLD MAN FOR SOME FUEL FOR THIS FIRE. HE STARTED QUOTING NIETZSCHE. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT MOTHER****ER KNEW HOW TO READ. ****ING LIONS

 

[Carl]

I went two lines before I gave up due to the all caps.

 

[Forget Favre]

I don't think I've ever read anything that even comes close to criticizing our Packers like that here on the Forum by any of the Packers fans.
And that really shows how our fan base is different.

 

[Zeck180]

I don't think I've ever read anything that even comes close to criticizing our Packers like that here on the Forum by any of the Packers fans.
And that really shows how our fan base is different.

Years of built up frustration, Packer fans haven't had much of that not since the early 90s.

 

[Ceodore]

too hard for me to read. hurts my eyes.

 

[HardRightEdge]

MODERATOR NOTE: REALLY PERTINENT BUT VULGAR PHRASE DELETED IN THIS POST DUE TO LANGUAGE RESTRICTIONS ON THIS FORUM --- Poppa

Perhaps his father's Nietzsche quote was, "From life's school of war: what does not kill me makes me stronger." That would sure set me off.

I can understand his pique. I recall my level of anger when the crappy 2010 special teams put the icing on the cake letting the New England game (and nearly the season) get away on that offensive lineman's 70 yard kickoff return...Slocum's finest hour. Yet that anger would be exceeded if the Packers dropped their last 4 games, including to the likes of Minnesota and the Giants, when the Division title was in hand.

 

[TJV]

That rant looks like it ends with "Fire Capers!"

 

[Darth Garfunkel]

2 thumbs up for the 1 footed-prowrestler reference.

 

[Darth Garfunkel]

That truly is an Artful Rage. A real thing of beauty.

 

[I asked LT to delete my acct]

That truly is an Artful Rage. A real thing of beauty.

It was like reading the lost work of Shakespeare !! so eloquent.

 

[Forget Favre]

It was like reading the lost work of Shakespeare !! so eloquent.

I'm no scholar or expert but maybe old Shakes would write it as something like this?
My displeasure among certain men is indeed quite a bit of fury and wrath of which the likes of hell cannot possibly fathom.
Oh how I have such a longing! A far and wide longing to see how these men can avoid the pain that they bring of a thousand suns upon those of us who still somehow in some way find admiration in them season after dismal season.
The once and powerful mighty roar that you lions once used to make others tremble in fear has now been silenced and you have been off in every corner of the theatre where the spectators now watch you nap in a deep slumber.
In search of some relief I seek out the words of wisdom from an older and wiser sage who can perhaps give me some laughter among the tragedy. What a fool I was in thinking that I could find some comfort in his words which just enraged me even further.

 

[HardRightEdge]

MODERATOR NOTE: REALLY PERTINENT BUT VULGAR PHRASE DELETED IN THIS POST DUE TO LANGUAGE RESTRICTIONS ON THIS FORUM --- Poppa

I object! The phrase "s****ing the pooch" was originally coined by naval aviators to mean crashing a plane. Support the troops.

 

[PikeBadger]

I don't think I've ever read anything that even comes close to criticizing our Packers like that here on the Forum by any of the Packers fans.
And that really shows how our fan base is different.

I disagree. I think it does show the difference of the two franchises rate of winning over the last 50+ years though. Heck, if we had their rate of success we'd have lost our team many years ago.

This rant was beautiful. Great medicine for me and lends perspective to what we have.

 

[Poppa San]

I object! The phrase "s****ing the pooch" was originally coined by naval aviators to mean crashing a plane. Support the troops.

And "flipping the bird" was referred to in ancient Romen Empire era texts (and yes it had the same general meaning.) Doesn't mean you can get away with it everywhere.

EDIT: I forgot to cite my validation.http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1279/whats-the-origin-of-the-finger
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1279/whats-the-origin-of-the-finger

The "one-finger salute," or at any rate ****** gestures involving the middle finger, are thousands of years old. InGestures: Their Origins and Distribution, Desmond Morris and colleagues note that the digitus infamis or digitus impudicus(infamous or indecent finger) is mentioned several times in the literature of ancient Rome. Turning to our vast classical library, we quickly turn up three references. Two are from the epigrammatist Martial: "Laugh loudly, Sextillus, when someone calls you a queen and put your middle finger out."