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  12. INSERT INTO xf_session_activity
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  14. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
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    Params: post, 378423, a:1:{i:0;s:601:"Issue We have a 11 yr old girl...A while back she was told not to leave dirty cups on her night stand..She will have a drink in her room and place it there..But tends to let them sit there.. This past Sunday we noticed 3 dirty cups, again she was told not to do it.. Then 2 days later, Tuesday, she again has 2 dirty cups sitting there One of us says that you need to remind an 11 year old everyday to take care of that stuff and it isnt that big of a deal.. The other says she shouldnt have to be told to take a dirty cup to the sink and think it is nasty habit to have. What do you all think?";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378424, a:3:{i:0;s:605:"Ah!!!! Mothering. My expertise. I didn't place a vote because I'm not sure which is correct. I USED to be married to a real jerk who constantly yelled at our kids about cleaning their rooms. "You're lazy...You slob...can't you do anything?....etc." Think about it - when your kids grow up, will they remember weather or not they had a clean room or being yelled at & belittled? Bingo! The clean room just isn't that important. You try to teach your kids to have good habits like picking up after themselves (dirty clothes OR glasses) while they are maturing & in your care. It's your job and they ";i:1;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:1:"b";s:6:"option";N;s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:3:"[B]";i:1;s:4:"[/B]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:4:"will";}}i:2;s:256:" learn, but maybe not until they are adults. Then they will figure out why Mom & Dad were telling them to pick up the empty glass. In the mean time, relax. Remind her occasionally but don't sweat the small stuff. Bruised spirit isn't worth a clean room.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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  16. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
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    Params: post, 378425, a:1:{i:0;s:179:"Both of us dont really care about a dirty room.. One just feels leaving dirty cups isnt right, and that a 11 yr old shouldnt have to be reminded every day to put away a dirty cup";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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  17. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
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    Params: post, 378426, a:1:{i:0;s:348:"Yeah, I understand. Well, obviously, asking isn't working. Maybe work a deal with her like having a friend over if she doesn't bring a glass in her room for a week. Another idea is to tell her she has $5. Every time you see a glass in her room, you subtract $1. She gets whatever is left at the end of the week. Just ideas from a seasoned mom.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378427, a:1:{i:0;s:95:"Give her paper cups and garbage, then she can throw them away as soon as she is done with them.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378428, a:1:{i:0;s:71:"Thanks, neilfii. You just shot my whole reasoning theory to hell. LOL!";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378429, a:1:{i:0;s:129:"That was exactly my objective! j/k I think both suggestions have merit. Like you said, everyone is going to do it differently.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378430, a:1:{i:0;s:1088:"This makes me glad I'm not a parent, so my post will be from a non-parent perspective. First, I would try and figure out if it's a discipline or listening problem or if she's merely being a typical 11 year old and trying to see how far she can push her parents. 11 is a funny, awkward age. You're not quite a little kid anymore but your not yet a teenager. I believe they call them "tweens". It's also an age where they can learn a lot from their parents. You might want to put your foots down with this one and force the issue. Maybe give her 3 more chances (strikes if you are a baseball fan) and the 3rd time she leaves those cups there, no more cups in the room at all. Bring them back after a month or so on a trial basis to see if she does it again. The thing I would worry about with the cups is if you cave on this, she's going to know she can get away with it. 11 year olds are a lot smarter than you'd think. I wouldn't ground her for it or come down like the wrath of God, but I do think little things like this can snowball so hopefully you can find away to nip it in the bud.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378431, a:1:{i:0;s:24:"Fear is a powerful tool.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378432, a:3:{i:0;s:266:"I apologize in advance APF, I am not trying to be difficult here, but the truth is that while I agree that fear is a great motivator -- because it is -- but it is a weak and ineffective "builder." One of the greatest statements to keep in mind in child rearing is "";i:1;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:1:"b";s:6:"option";N;s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:3:"[B]";i:1;s:4:"[/B]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:1:"i";s:6:"option";N;s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:3:"[I]";i:1;s:4:"[/I]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:26:"People become their praise";}}}}i:2;s:364:"." Every one of us want to be accepted. Rather than remind her when she has done wrong Praise her every time she does right. Next time she puts the glass away make a huge deal of how responsible she has been and what great character that shows. She will want to hear that again (and again, and again) and she will be putting the glasses away before you know it.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378433, a:1:{i:0;s:1291:"First of all, I don't have kids. So all I know from parenting is what has been passed down by my folks. If you're still interested in hearing another advice, please read on. It's not about the dirty cup or the dirty room. It's about respect and obedience to someone who has lived longer than you, knows more than you and wants only your well being. She should not have to be reminded everyday, but punishment IMHO isn't suitable for an education, as it doesn't bring up respect, only fear. The best way would be to explain to her why she shouldn't leave dirty cups in her room. And no, don't say "because we say so". Explain about diseases, filthy pests that are attracted to it, etc... In my experience growing up, being condescendent to children never works out. And, in theory, I don't like bargaining with kids. It shouldn't be about them doing what you want, it should be about respect and understanding. Of course, everything in theory is nice... But what neifi proposed about praise is VERY, VERY true. Big praises keep with you. Scoldings also do, but scolding is a great, great way to forever psycologically impair a person. Sure, it might work and she might not ever let a dirty cup in her room. It might also turn her into a pathological cleaner, in a very, very drastic case.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378434, a:1:{i:0;s:102:"We arent punishing her...and wont punish her for this.. Wife and I are at odds on the poll question..";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378435, a:1:{i:0;s:234:"Its very hard to parent a child without setting a good example yourself. And while you may not keep cups in your room how does the rest of the house look? Keep a neat house and the child will pick that up and be neat him or herself.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378436, a:1:{i:0;s:254:"Get her a reusable bottle that she can drink out of. If you do that, set limits of no more cups in the room. On the other hand, let her leave her cups there. It might save you and the fam from the aliens. (Watch the movie Signs to catch my drift.) LOL";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378437, a:2:{i:0;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:5:"quote";s:6:"option";s:26:"Forget Favre, post: 378436";s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:36:"[quote="Forget Favre, post: 378436"]";i:1;s:8:"[/quote]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:110:"Get her a reusable bottle that she can drink out of. If you do that, set limits of no more cups in the room. ";}}i:1;s:54:" She has a bottle like that but doesnt like to use it";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378438, a:1:{i:0;s:894:"One glass, let her pick out one she likes. That is the only one she can have in her room. Wash it daily. Otherwise, pick your battles carefully. This isn't as important as sleepovers, homework, going over to friends, makeup, Facebook, etc. You don't want to go ballistic over every petty difference especially when the parents are divided as to its importance. In my house (actually my wife's) safety battles are non-negotiable. Homework timing takes a strong reason. Chores can be negotiated. Bedtime mostly not. Sleepovers aren't an issue, only timing is for the youngest only. Remember her room will be as clean as you make it after she is gone. BTW, what is she drinking? Water? Milk? Juice? Manhattans? Old-Fashions? The kind of remnant left behind also makes a difference. Allowing only water in her room until she learns to return the cups would help with the cleanliness.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378439, a:2:{i:0;s:308:"Are you and your wife familiar with the concept of Natural/Logical consequence? Basically, you ask the child to do X. If he/she doesn't do X then he/she doesn't get to do Y. It's only fair to warn the child beforehand and be sure to follow through. Here is one example. There are others found on Google. ";i:1;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:3:"url";s:6:"option";N;s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:5:"[url]";i:1;s:6:"[/url]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:60:"http://childparenting.about.com/library/weekly/aa102703a.htm";}}}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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    Params: post, 378440, a:2:{i:0;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:5:"quote";s:6:"option";s:23:"Poppa San, post: 378438";s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:33:"[quote="Poppa San, post: 378438"]";i:1;s:8:"[/quote]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:894:"One glass, let her pick out one she likes. That is the only one she can have in her room. Wash it daily. Otherwise, pick your battles carefully. This isn't as important as sleepovers, homework, going over to friends, makeup, Facebook, etc. You don't want to go ballistic over every petty difference especially when the parents are divided as to its importance. In my house (actually my wife's) safety battles are non-negotiable. Homework timing takes a strong reason. Chores can be negotiated. Bedtime mostly not. Sleepovers aren't an issue, only timing is for the youngest only. Remember her room will be as clean as you make it after she is gone. BTW, what is she drinking? Water? Milk? Juice? Manhattans? Old-Fashions? The kind of remnant left behind also makes a difference. Allowing only water in her room until she learns to return the cups would help with the cleanliness.";}}i:1;s:152:" No one is going ballistic over it...We just disagree on if a 11 year needs to be reminded every day about it.. She drinks kool aid, water, and milk..";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
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  33. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
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    Run Time: 0.000294
  34. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
    	(content_type, content_id, parse_tree, cache_version, cache_date)
    VALUES (?, ?, ?, ?, ?)
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    Params: post, 378443, a:1:{i:0;s:310:"Yesterday was told no more glasses and I washed it for her.. Today everyone is gone, I look in her room and there is a dirty plate from cake with a fork..A empty box that had cookies in it..A dirty glass that had kool aid and a dirty empty bowl I had it..So her computer is gone till school starts.. 13 days";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
    Run Time: 0.000286
  35. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
    	(content_type, content_id, parse_tree, cache_version, cache_date)
    VALUES (?, ?, ?, ?, ?)
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    Run Time: 0.000343
  36. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
    	(content_type, content_id, parse_tree, cache_version, cache_date)
    VALUES (?, ?, ?, ?, ?)
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    Params: post, 378445, a:1:{i:0;s:525:"It's easy to be an outsider looking in and say, "do this, do that". Suggestions are alway appreciated but not all will work. Every situation is different and every kid will react differently. IMO, as a parent, you do what YOU feel is right for your child. As long as your intentions are good, that's all you can do. LTF, I think your approach of restricting computer use is a good start. Your words have obviously fallen on deaf ears. Maybe this will get her attention. However, make it a consquence and not a punishment.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
    Run Time: 0.000325
  37. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
    	(content_type, content_id, parse_tree, cache_version, cache_date)
    VALUES (?, ?, ?, ?, ?)
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    Params: post, 378446, a:2:{i:0;a:4:{s:3:"tag";s:5:"quote";s:6:"option";s:23:"Poppa San, post: 378442";s:8:"original";a:2:{i:0;s:33:"[quote="Poppa San, post: 378442"]";i:1;s:8:"[/quote]";}s:8:"children";a:1:{i:0;s:90:"Every one is an expert at raising other people's children, especially those without any. ";}}i:1;s:320:" Absolutely. That's why I emphasised that I don't have any and everything I've said is in theory. Still, the man asked a question and I gave an opinion. It's up to him to judge if it's qualified or not. No need to downgrade others' opinions. Everyone is an expert at football, specially those who don't play it.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
    Run Time: 0.000263
  38. INSERT INTO xf_bb_code_parse_cache
    	(content_type, content_id, parse_tree, cache_version, cache_date)
    VALUES (?, ?, ?, ?, ?)
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    Params: post, 378447, a:1:{i:0;s:220:"I have an 11 year-old girl. She is lazy, bitchy, and leaves dirty plates and cups in her room all of the time. But she's great in school, does well, and puts her all into her dancing and basketball, so we let it slide.";}, 1425574816, 1425687118
    Run Time: 0.000245

Included Files (157, XenForo Classes: 63)

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  2. library/XenForo/Autoloader.php
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  5. library/Lgpl/utf8.php
  6. library/Zend/Config.php
  7. library/config.php
  8. library/XenForo/FrontController.php
  9. library/XenForo/Dependencies/Public.php
  10. library/XenForo/Dependencies/Abstract.php
  11. library/Zend/Controller/Request/Http.php
  12. library/Zend/Controller/Request/Abstract.php
  13. library/Zend/Uri.php
  14. library/Zend/Controller/Response/Http.php
  15. library/Zend/Controller/Response/Abstract.php
  16. library/XenForo/Model/DataRegistry.php
  17. library/XenForo/Model.php
  18. library/Zend/Cache.php
  19. library/Zend/Cache/Backend/Memcached.php
  20. library/Zend/Cache/Backend/ExtendedInterface.php
  21. library/Zend/Cache/Backend/Interface.php
  22. library/Zend/Cache/Backend.php
  23. library/Zend/Cache/Core.php
  24. library/XenForo/CodeEvent.php
  25. library/XenForo/Options.php
  26. library/XenForo/Link.php
  27. library/XenForo/Template/Helper/Core.php
  28. library/sonnb/XenGallery/Listener.php
  29. library/bdTagMe/Listener.php
  30. library/bdTagMe/Helper/Template.php
  31. library/XenForo/Router.php
  32. library/XenForo/Route/Filter.php
  33. library/XenForo/Route/Interface.php
  34. library/XenForo/Route/ResponseSuffix.php
  35. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix.php
  36. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Threads.php
  37. library/EWRporta/Listener/Route.php
  38. library/EWRporta/Route/Thread.php
  39. library/XenForo/RouteMatch.php
  40. library/XenForo/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  41. library/XenForo/ControllerPublic/Abstract.php
  42. library/XenForo/Controller.php
  43. library/Dark/PostRating/EventListener.php
  44. library/FreePro/Listener.php
  45. library/ModerateCountry/RegisterListener.php
  46. library/SportsNetwork/Listener.php
  47. library/EWRporta/Listener/Controller.php
  48. library/Nobita/IgnoreThread/Listener.php
  49. library/AddOnInstaller/Listener.php
  50. library/FreePro/XenForo/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  51. library/SportsNetwork/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  52. library/EWRporta/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  53. library/sonnb/XenGallery/XenForo/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  54. library/Nobita/IgnoreThread/ControllerPublic/Thread.php
  55. library/XenForo/Input.php
  56. library/XenForo/Session.php
  57. library/Zend/Db.php
  58. library/Zend/Db/Adapter/Mysqli.php
  59. library/Zend/Db/Adapter/Abstract.php
  60. library/Zend/Db/Select.php
  61. library/Zend/Db/Expr.php
  62. library/Zend/Db/Profiler.php
  63. library/Zend/Db/Statement/Mysqli.php
  64. library/Zend/Db/Statement.php
  65. library/Zend/Db/Statement/Interface.php
  66. library/XenForo/Helper/Ip.php
  67. library/XenForo/Visitor.php
  68. library/XenForo/Model/User.php
  69. library/Waindigo/JoinUserGroup/Listener/LoadClass.php
  70. library/Waindigo/Listener/LoadClass.php
  71. library/Waindigo/Listener/LoadClass/20140808.php
  72. library/Dark/TaigaChat/EventListener/Listener.php
  73. library/EWRporta/Listener/Model.php
  74. library/sonnbThreadMassActions/Listener.php
  75. library/Waindigo/JoinUserGroup/Extend/XenForo/Model/User.php
  76. library/Dark/PostRating/Model/User.php
  77. library/sonnb/XenGallery/XenForo/Model/User.php
  78. library/bdTagMe/XenForo/Model/User.php
  79. library/Zend/Db/Profiler/Query.php
  80. library/XenForo/Permission.php
  81. library/XenForo/Phrase.php
  82. library/XenForo/Locale.php
  83. library/EWRporta/Model/Perms.php
  84. library/Waindigo/JoinUserGroup/Listener/ControllerPreDispatch.php
  85. library/Waindigo/Listener/ControllerPreDispatch.php
  86. library/Waindigo/Listener/ControllerPreDispatch/20140711.php
  87. library/UnreadPostCount/Listener.php
  88. library/XenForo/ControllerHelper/ForumThreadPost.php
  89. library/XenForo/ControllerHelper/Abstract.php
  90. library/XenForo/Model/Thread.php
  91. library/Dark/PostRating/Model/Thread.php
  92. library/Nobita/IgnoreThread/Model/Thread.php
  93. library/sonnbThreadMassActions/Model/Thread.php
  94. library/UnreadPostCount/Model/Thread.php
  95. library/Dark/PostRating/Model.php
  96. library/XenForo/Model/Forum.php
  97. library/XenForo/Helper/String.php
  98. library/XenForo/Helper/Discussion.php
  99. library/XenForo/Model/Post.php
  100. library/Dark/PostRating/Model/Post.php
  101. library/EWRporta/Model/Post.php
  102. library/sonnbThreadMassActions/Model/Post.php
  103. library/XenForo/Model/Poll.php
  104. library/XenForo/Model/Attachment.php
  105. library/EWRporta/Model/Attachment.php
  106. library/XenForo/Model/Node.php
  107. library/Nobita/IgnoreThread/Model/Node.php
  108. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Categories.php
  109. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Forums.php
  110. library/XenForo/ControllerResponse/View.php
  111. library/XenForo/ControllerResponse/Abstract.php
  112. library/Nobita/IgnoreThread/Model/IgnoreThread.php
  113. library/XenForo/Helper/Cookie.php
  114. library/XenForo/ViewRenderer/HtmlPublic.php
  115. library/XenForo/ViewRenderer/Abstract.php
  116. library/XenForo/Template/Public.php
  117. library/XenForo/Template/Abstract.php
  118. library/XenForo/ViewPublic/Thread/View.php
  119. library/XenForo/ViewPublic/Base.php
  120. library/XenForo/View.php
  121. library/EWRporta/Listener/ViewPublic.php
  122. library/EWRporta/ViewPublic/Custom.php
  123. library/XenForo/BbCode/Parser.php
  124. library/XenForo/BbCode/Formatter/Base.php
  125. library/EWRporta/Listener/BbCode.php
  126. library/EWRporta/BbCode/Formatter.php
  127. library/sonnb/XenGallery/XenForo/BbCode/Formatter/Base.php
  128. library/bdTagMe/XenForo/BbCode/Formatter/Base.php
  129. library/XenForo/ViewPublic/Helper/Message.php
  130. library/XenForo/BbCode/TextWrapper.php
  131. library/WhoHasVisited/Listener.php
  132. library/Waindigo/JoinUserGroup/Listener/TemplateCreate.php
  133. library/Waindigo/Listener/TemplateCreate.php
  134. library/Waindigo/Listener/TemplateCreate/20130522.php
  135. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Members.php
  136. library/bdTagMe/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Members.php
  137. library/EWRporta/Listener/NavTabs.php
  138. library/Dark/TaigaChat/EventListener/NavigationTabs.php
  139. library/ExternalPages/Listeners/Navigation.php
  140. library/ExternalPages/Route/Prefix/En.php
  141. library/XenForo/Template/FileHandler.php
  142. library/XenForo/Helper/File.php
  143. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,thread_view.php
  144. library/SeparateStickyAndNormal/Listener.php
  145. library/EWRporta/Listener/Template.php
  146. library/EWRporta/Model/Promotes.php
  147. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,ignore_thread_tool.php
  148. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,page_nav.php
  149. library/XenForo/Route/Prefix/Posts.php
  150. library/XenForo/Model/Avatar.php
  151. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,dark_postrating_message_user_info.php
  152. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,dark_postrating.php
  153. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,bb_code_tag_quote.php
  154. library/XenForo/Helper/Criteria.php
  155. library/XenForo/Debug.php
  156. internal_data/templates/S.7,L.1,PAGE_CONTAINER.php
  157. library/XenForo/ViewRenderer/Json.php