1. Welcome to Green Bay Packers NFL Football Forum & Community!
    Packer Forum is one of the largest online communities for the Green Bay Packers.

    You are currently viewing our community forums as a guest user.

    Sign Up or

    Having an account grants you additional privileges, such as creating and participating in discussions. Furthermore, we hide most of the ads once you register as a member!
  2. Announcement is LIVE: Read the Forum Post

Who is over reacting

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by longtimefan, Aug 17, 2011.

?

Which would be your view

Poll closed Aug 21, 2011.
  1. She shouldnt have to be reminded every day

    5 vote(s)
    62.5%
  2. She is 11 yrs old and needs to be remidned every day

    3 vote(s)
    37.5%
  1. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    Issue

    We have a 11 yr old girl...A while back she was told not to leave dirty cups on her night stand..She will have a drink in her room and place it there..But tends to let them sit there..

    This past Sunday we noticed 3 dirty cups, again she was told not to do it..

    Then 2 days later, Tuesday, she again has 2 dirty cups sitting there

    One of us says that you need to remind an 11 year old everyday to take care of that stuff and it isnt that big of a deal..

    The other says she shouldnt have to be told to take a dirty cup to the sink and think it is nasty habit to have.


    What do you all think?
     
  2. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    Ah!!!! Mothering. My expertise. I didn't place a vote because I'm not sure which is correct. I USED to be married to a real jerk who constantly yelled at our kids about cleaning their rooms. "You're lazy...You slob...can't you do anything?....etc." Think about it - when your kids grow up, will they remember weather or not they had a clean room or being yelled at & belittled? Bingo! The clean room just isn't that important. You try to teach your kids to have good habits like picking up after themselves (dirty clothes OR glasses) while they are maturing & in your care. It's your job and they will learn, but maybe not until they are adults. Then they will figure out why Mom & Dad were telling them to pick up the empty glass. In the mean time, relax. Remind her occasionally but don't sweat the small stuff. Bruised spirit isn't worth a clean room.
     
  3. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    Both of us dont really care about a dirty room..

    One just feels leaving dirty cups isnt right, and that a 11 yr old shouldnt have to be reminded every day to put away a dirty cup
     
  4. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    Yeah, I understand. Well, obviously, asking isn't working. Maybe work a deal with her like having a friend over if she doesn't bring a glass in her room for a week. Another idea is to tell her she has $5. Every time you see a glass in her room, you subtract $1. She gets whatever is left at the end of the week. Just ideas from a seasoned mom.
     
  5. neilfii

    neilfii Hall of Fame Fan

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    4,681
    Ratings:
    +714
    Give her paper cups and garbage, then she can throw them away as soon as she is done with them.
     
  6. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    Thanks, neilfii. You just shot my whole reasoning theory to hell. LOL!
     
  7. neilfii

    neilfii Hall of Fame Fan

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    4,681
    Ratings:
    +714
    That was exactly my objective! j/k

    I think both suggestions have merit. Like you said, everyone is going to do it differently.
     
  8. Kitten

    Kitten Feline Cheesehead Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Messages:
    5,093
    Ratings:
    +1,427
    This makes me glad I'm not a parent, so my post will be from a non-parent perspective. First, I would try and figure out if it's a discipline or listening problem or if she's merely being a typical 11 year old and trying to see how far she can push her parents. 11 is a funny, awkward age. You're not quite a little kid anymore but your not yet a teenager. I believe they call them "tweens". It's also an age where they can learn a lot from their parents. You might want to put your foots down with this one and force the issue. Maybe give her 3 more chances (strikes if you are a baseball fan) and the 3rd time she leaves those cups there, no more cups in the room at all. Bring them back after a month or so on a trial basis to see if she does it again. The thing I would worry about with the cups is if you cave on this, she's going to know she can get away with it. 11 year olds are a lot smarter than you'd think. I wouldn't ground her for it or come down like the wrath of God, but I do think little things like this can snowball so hopefully you can find away to nip it in the bud.
     
  9. AllouezPackerFan

    AllouezPackerFan Section 121 Row 47

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    1,602
    Ratings:
    +339
    Fear is a powerful tool.
     
  10. neilfii

    neilfii Hall of Fame Fan

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    4,681
    Ratings:
    +714
    I apologize in advance APF, I am not trying to be difficult here, but the truth is that while I agree that fear is a great motivator -- because it is -- but it is a weak and ineffective "builder." One of the greatest statements to keep in mind in child rearing is "People become their praise." Every one of us want to be accepted. Rather than remind her when she has done wrong Praise her every time she does right.
    Next time she puts the glass away make a huge deal of how responsible she has been and what great character that shows. She will want to hear that again (and again, and again) and she will be putting the glasses away before you know it.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  11. PackersRS

    PackersRS Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    8,471
    Ratings:
    +979
    First of all, I don't have kids. So all I know from parenting is what has been passed down by my folks. If you're still interested in hearing another advice, please read on.

    It's not about the dirty cup or the dirty room. It's about respect and obedience to someone who has lived longer than you, knows more than you and wants only your well being.

    She should not have to be reminded everyday, but punishment IMHO isn't suitable for an education, as it doesn't bring up respect, only fear.

    The best way would be to explain to her why she shouldn't leave dirty cups in her room. And no, don't say "because we say so". Explain about diseases, filthy pests that are attracted to it, etc... In my experience growing up, being condescendent to children never works out.

    And, in theory, I don't like bargaining with kids. It shouldn't be about them doing what you want, it should be about respect and understanding. Of course, everything in theory is nice... But what neifi proposed about praise is VERY, VERY true. Big praises keep with you. Scoldings also do, but scolding is a great, great way to forever psycologically impair a person. Sure, it might work and she might not ever let a dirty cup in her room. It might also turn her into a pathological cleaner, in a very, very drastic case.
     
  12. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    We arent punishing her...and wont punish her for this..

    Wife and I are at odds on the poll question..
     
  13. ivo610

    ivo610 Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    16,055
    Ratings:
    +4,048
    Its very hard to parent a child without setting a good example yourself. And while you may not keep cups in your room how does the rest of the house look? Keep a neat house and the child will pick that up and be neat him or herself.
     
  14. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,673
    Get her a reusable bottle that she can drink out of.
    If you do that, set limits of no more cups in the room.

    On the other hand, let her leave her cups there. It might save you and the fam from the aliens.
    (Watch the movie Signs to catch my drift.) LOL
     
  15. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    She has a bottle like that but doesnt like to use it
     
  16. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,348
    Ratings:
    +1,011
    One glass, let her pick out one she likes. That is the only one she can have in her room. Wash it daily. Otherwise, pick your battles carefully. This isn't as important as sleepovers, homework, going over to friends, makeup, Facebook, etc. You don't want to go ballistic over every petty difference especially when the parents are divided as to its importance. In my house (actually my wife's) safety battles are non-negotiable. Homework timing takes a strong reason. Chores can be negotiated. Bedtime mostly not. Sleepovers aren't an issue, only timing is for the youngest only. Remember her room will be as clean as you make it after she is gone.

    BTW, what is she drinking? Water? Milk? Juice? Manhattans? Old-Fashions? The kind of remnant left behind also makes a difference. Allowing only water in her room until she learns to return the cups would help with the cleanliness.
     
  17. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,673
    Are you and your wife familiar with the concept of Natural/Logical consequence?
    Basically, you ask the child to do X. If he/she doesn't do X then he/she doesn't get to do Y.
    It's only fair to warn the child beforehand and be sure to follow through.

    Here is one example. There are others found on Google.
    http://childparenting.about.com/library/weekly/aa102703a.htm
     
  18. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    No one is going ballistic over it...We just disagree on if a 11 year needs to be reminded every day about it..

    She drinks kool aid, water, and milk..
     
  19. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    Yes....

    Or consequences and actions..Fully aware..
     
  20. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,348
    Ratings:
    +1,011
    Every one is an expert at raising other people's children, especially those without any.

    Restrict her to just water in her room until she consistently remembers the empty glass. Milk definitely not. We consider milk and juice a food and as such is not allowed on the second floor of our house where the bedrooms are. We have a 125 yr old farmhouse and as such get enough wildlife inside without setting up a buffet in the bedrooms for them.

    Oh, and yes you probably still need to remind her daily. We remind our 15 and 11 year olds about chores almost every day. My 19 year old assumed responsibility when he was about 14. My 9 year old daughter keeps an immaculate room about every other week. Between then, it's chaos. I don't think her brothers know the color of their carpet or whether their laundry would actually fit in their bureaus.
     
  21. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,670
    Ratings:
    +2,970
    Yesterday was told no more glasses and I washed it for her..

    Today everyone is gone, I look in her room and there is a dirty plate from cake with a fork..A empty box that had cookies in it..A dirty glass that had kool aid and a dirty empty bowl

    I had it..So her computer is gone till school starts..

    13 days
     
  22. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,673
    Right.

    I'm not a parent.
    I was pretty lousy as a step-parent.
    IMO the most challenging thing of being a parent is trying to figure out the best way to discipline the child while teaching him/her responsibility.
    At one time it was OK to hit the child. And then physical abuse was outlawed and you just aren't supposed to that anymore. (Which I agree with.)
    What is the best action to teach kids responsibility?
    I dunno. But now, whatever methods are suggested, even if they are non-violent you will have some expert coming along to counter act that.

    Just my 2 cents/observations on modern parenting.
     
  23. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    It's easy to be an outsider looking in and say, "do this, do that". Suggestions are alway appreciated but not all will work. Every situation is different and every kid will react differently. IMO, as a parent, you do what YOU feel is right for your child. As long as your intentions are good, that's all you can do.
    LTF, I think your approach of restricting computer use is a good start. Your words have obviously fallen on deaf ears. Maybe this will get her attention. However, make it a consquence and not a punishment.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  24. PackersRS

    PackersRS Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    8,471
    Ratings:
    +979
    Absolutely. That's why I emphasised that I don't have any and everything I've said is in theory.

    Still, the man asked a question and I gave an opinion. It's up to him to judge if it's qualified or not. No need to downgrade others' opinions.

    Everyone is an expert at football, specially those who don't play it.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  25. bubbahotep

    bubbahotep Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2010
    Messages:
    124
    Ratings:
    +54
    I have an 11 year-old girl. She is lazy, bitchy, and leaves dirty plates and cups in her room all of the time. But she's great in school, does well, and puts her all into her dancing and basketball, so we let it slide.
     

Share This Page