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Week 3 Recap: Packers @ Bears

Discussion in 'Packer Fan Forum' started by PackersDraft, Sep 27, 2011.

  1. PackersDraft

    PackersDraft Draftnik

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  2. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    I do have some comments/feedback on your blog but you may not like it.
    Blogs are not really professional writing. They are something personal so I don't know how relevant my feedback is...
    Here goes...
    First of all, the background.
    I find the giant out of center "G" to be bright, a bit distracting and overwhelming.
    The stadium background used here on the forum is all one color and it's easy on the eyes.
    I find your writing to be too rambling. I don't see a train of thought staying on the same track.
    You seem to get distracted.
    (Again, since this is a personal blog I don't know if that matters or not.)
    If I were writing this, I would break it down into categories:
    Packers offense
    Packers defense
    How the Packers played over all.
    Other observations and opinions.
    Same thing for the opposing team.
    The Ups/Downs is a good idea but I would be interested in reading like a line or two on your choices.
    Like why are turnovers a "Down" for the Pack since they won the game?
    Also, everything I read on your blog I feel like I could read/find elsewhere.
    Somehow try and put in things that are unique.
    Play around with words a bit more.
    You don't have access to a press conference or the locker room, do you?
    Maybe you can find a small tidbit on the web here or there that may fit in.
    Or watch post game interviews or press conferences which is on the Packers website.

    Overall, I think that you have good ideas and observations of who did what.
    I just have a hard time understanding what you mean or get lost in your jumble of words.
    Know or have an idea of what is really relevant.
    We don't really need to know about Gabe Carimi, do we?
    The challenge of writers is to think of themselves as the reader and to write to keep it interesting for the reader.
    You gotta hook me in with your first few sentences and keep me hooked.
    At this point, I don't feel that way. I can leave the page before reading it all the way through.
    You don't want me or any other readers to do that, do you?
    So find a style that will keep the reader in and with it to the end.
    Learning how to edit, edit, edit and edit again your own work is a major component to writing.
    Keep practicing, keep working on it and it will get better.
    You can take or leave all or any of my advice.
     
  3. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    Here's a good example of what I mean.
    You don't want to copy exactly what he wrote, but it's short, sweet and to the point.
    http://www.packerforum.com/threads/postgame-packers-27-bears-17.29909/

    And this part here is a great example of what I mean about having your own writing style while finding a little tidbit:


    I like the description of the "ball...dropping from the sky."
    And this is the first place I've ever known of Rodgers being impressed with the play.
     
  4. PackersDraft

    PackersDraft Draftnik

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    Thank you for your advice. I am still learning and practicing so any advice I get from anyone is very appreciated. Thanks for taking time to do this and read my blog. Please check back and read more, there will be recaps and previews two days before and after every Packer game.
     
  5. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    Another thing I thought of that you may also want to consider would be to use metaphors.
    Like "Packers tame the Bears."
    Or if it's between the Packers and the Falcons: Packers cage the birds.
    Stuff like that.

    Keep it interesting and you'll keep us interested.
     

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