1. Welcome to Green Bay Packers NFL Football Forum & Community!
    Packer Forum is one of the largest online communities for the Green Bay Packers.

    You are currently viewing our community forums as a guest user.

    Sign Up or

    Having an account grants you additional privileges, such as creating and participating in discussions. Furthermore, we hide most of the ads once you register as a member!

Reaching out...

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by Zero2Cool, May 6, 2008.

  1. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    Many of us have lost someone special in our lives and some handle it better than others. As I found out Wednesday, I am not one who handles it well.

    I'm hesitant to post this because of how unpleasant some people can be and how public of a place it is. Also the fear that It'd be thought that I'm looking for pity or things like that. I'm not. I'm only asking for advice. Because right now, I'm lost.

    Yes, I know some here follow the lead of some bad apples who simply don't know me well enough to make an accurate judgment of me. I'm not worried about those comments. I am willing to take the good with the bad. There are many more good souls on this forum than not.

    I don't want to burden anyone. It feels like most people are afraid to talk to me because they fear saying the wrong thing. I used to be one of those people. I now realize that just about anything is good to hear. Just hearing a voice or socializing with someone, makes it feel better.

    I've talked with my family, friends and more family and friends. They are handling this far better than I am. So please forgive me for asking for your help, but as I said earlier, I am lost with out mom.

    I really don't even know if this is an appropriate thing to do, but my world has been turned upside down. If you can offer any advice or comments or anything, I'd appreciate it. Thank you for your time.
     
  2. Pack93z

    Pack93z You retired too? .... Not me. I'm in my prime

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Messages:
    4,855
    Ratings:
    +22
    First Zero, I am truly sorry to hear of your loss, times now can be extremely difficult and reaching out is not a bad thing whatsoever.

    I consider alot of folks here like family, an for me that is not an easy thing, I am usually very cautious with letting folks get close to me, like layers I don't let many past that first layer or two. So I don't for a second think you are out of place or asking for anything but a little help. Mighty brave of you for doing so.

    I learned about 20 years ago that life has many dramatic ups and downs, enjoy the ups and learn how to accept, navigate and survive the lows. Losing someone in your life, a parent, spouse or child has got to be the worst of times. Somehow you need to call upon your inner strength, for your child, for yourself to find that next step of acceptance. Not an easy task no doubt, but you need to find somehow to take that next step.

    Lean on whomever you need to, when times look bleak pick up the phone and call anyone that can if nothing else listen to what you need to release, but keep finding a way to make that next step to finding your way past your loss.

    PM me if you would like... I will gladly give you my cell number in which you can call anytime you need to talk about whatever.. just shoot the breeze about the Packers.. sometimes I might be a little outspoken, but I listen well when needed.
     
  3. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,743
    Ratings:
    +2,983
    One thing that might help is write a email/letter to your mom..Or SPEAK to her as if she is right there with you ( I am under the impression it is your mom)

    Let out all your emotions, tell her the things YOU always wanted to say to her..

    Once you do that KEEP doing it, until you start to feel better..

    I am a firm believer that ones passed on can and do hear us..

    It is an old cliche, but as time goes on, it WILL get better
     
  4. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    Thank you. Finding the next step I think is the hardest thing, but good advice. I'm pretty much trying to take it one day at a time, but finding myself trying to figure out how to pass by the next hour. I want to be left alone, but once alone I'm trying to think of who I can call, visit or whatnot.
     
  5. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Messages:
    16,743
    Ratings:
    +2,983
    And that is when speaking to her will some what ease the pain...

    It might not help but it won't hurt that is for sure..Unless your on a bus and talking to the air saying I love you and miss you..

    People might think your a Bears fan and smack ya
     
  6. Pack93z

    Pack93z You retired too? .... Not me. I'm in my prime

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2005
    Messages:
    4,855
    Ratings:
    +22
    Well I completely understand the wanting to be left alone part.. that is my normal avenue... isolation, but believe me that is a double edged sword... your mind wears on you when left alone to do nothing but dwell on your thoughts... find a balance quickly.

    Although I have never tried it, Longtime's idea may help.

    As far as the next step, you will find it if you keep your wits about you.. it very well might be something very abstract, but something to draw your interest and provide a drive of sorts.

    For me, when I was in my darkest hour it was computers.. building them and tearing back apart.. something time consumming but at the same time I could see the results quickly and always something new to try.. soon the other pieces of life just kind of fell into place and the next steps became clear or at least they became visible.
     
  7. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    About speaking to her as if she were there. At work today I was going over the skywalk between the two buildings. It's about three football fields long and I'm not a fan of heights so I usually talk to myself to help me through the jitters. I started talking to mom and I looked over wondering why she wasn't saying anything back. She wasn't there and I just started tearing up.

    It does help to speak to her as if she's able to hear me.
     
  8. DGB454

    DGB454 Cheesehead

    Joined:
    May 1, 2007
    Messages:
    636
    Ratings:
    +0
    First let me say I am very sorry about your loss. The pain will ease with time but I know that at this moment that may not be what you want. It seems like a betrayal of the one you loved if the pain eases. You have to go through your grieving. Believe it or not that is part of the healing. The pain will eventually give way somewhat and memories will take it's place. Those memories, friends and family will be what helps you go on. Keep reaching out when you need to and be alone when you need to.

    It's rare these days to see a bomd between a mother and son like it sounds like you had with your mother. I think that is a testament to her and the love she had for you. You are very lucky to have been able to share that kind of love with someone. We should all be so lucky.

    Time heals all wounds. We will be here to help that time pass a little easier.
     
  9. jdlax

    jdlax Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    818
    Ratings:
    +0
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Kevin. I don't even handle the loss of pets at all well; I can't imagine going through what you are. If you'd like to talk about anything let me know. I have your number kicking around here somewhere.
     
  10. PackOne

    PackOne Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,013
    Ratings:
    +4
    Time my packer friend, time.
     
  11. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,000
    Ratings:
    +3
    Oh Zero.........my heart goes out to you. I KNOW how you feel......I have been there, with both my parents.
    Time does make it easier, in some ways. But the pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it. My Mom has been gone 18 years, my Dad 34 years. I STILL miss them, and dream about them.
    Take one day at a time, and talk to your Mom. There will be times when you, for a split second, forget she's gone. You will find yourself thinking "I'm gonna give Mom a call" and then reality will hit. For me, those were some of the hardest times.
    But KNOW I'm here for you, and will NOT belittle you in any way, shape, or form. You have lost a HUGE part of your life, and nothing or no one can fill that void.
    If you want to PM me, and talk how you feel, i will try to help you through this.
    Again, i an SO sorry to hear of your loss. :(
    I wish there were magic words to make it easier for you, to make the pain go away. But i know no such words exist.
     
  12. Heatherthepackgirl

    Heatherthepackgirl Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2005
    Messages:
    2,274
    Ratings:
    +0
    Zero, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!! I haven't lost a parent yet and can't imagine what you are going through. As most of you know my Mom is in bad shape and I think what am I going to do without her in my life. She no longer speaks on the telephone so if I dont go there to visit I dont talk to her, she was always the person that I could count on for advice or just plain talk to her about anything I so miss those days.

    My advice would be to remember the good times, and LT's advice is good advice, I find myself always talking to my Mom when I am having a bad day, she isnt there answering me but somehow I find it very comforting to just believe I am talking to her. But your Mom will always live through you, there are so many things that I say and do and I think, gosh that is what my Mom would do in this situation. I am my Mom in lots of ways, she has taught me so much in life.

    Its always great to have friends you can go to, just to laugh, hang out, and talk. This is what friends are for and if you want to PM me I can try and help you as best that I can.

    You will be in my prayers Zero!
     
  13. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    I've been really close with both of my parents. My mom and I did have a pretty special bond. I've been very fortunate that my mother and father and myself have gotten along very well.


    I hear you about the pets thing. I've tried staying away from having pets. I just don't handle death well at all. I'm not sure anyone handles it well though.














    That's what I keep telling myself too. Just easier said than done.




    I have no clue how you went through this twice. Truly amazing. Your comment about living with pain. I've always had a high threshold with pain, but this is not a bruised leg, or smashed finger or anything like that. This is much deeper and far harder to cope.

    I wish there was some magic words too. I'd copy and paste them or voicemail them and send them to you a million times over for the pain you've had to deal with. I kind of feel guilty for feeling sad about my loss. Like yourself many have suffered greater losses. I've been trying to keep myself positive and be thankful for the years I had her in my life and cherish the memories.









    I've been talking to my mom pretty much non stop when I am alone. Hearing others say to do that made me feel less crazy. When I found out she had passed, I was driving up north to be there with my family. I caught myself talking to her and thought, stop talking, you'll see her in an hour.
    Then I seen her in the funeral home, laying motionless. I wanted to grab her arm an tug an say 'mom cmon lets go, lets get out of here'. I just wanted to tell her a story to make her laugh an smile again, just one more time.








    Thank you all for the advice and kind words. It means a lot to me. You aren't my family and you still took the time and that means a lot to me. Thank you.
     
  14. bozz_2006

    bozz_2006 Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2006
    Messages:
    4,571
    Ratings:
    +650
    Zero, can I offer some prayers for you?
     
  15. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    Most definitely.
     
  16. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,000
    Ratings:
    +3
    Zero......i saw what you wrote before you pulled it. I don't know why you did, but you didn't have too.
    You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. I didn't post what i have endured to make you feel that your loss is in any way less then mine.
    You have lost one of the most important people in your life. NO reason to feel that your loss is any less then mine.
    The only reason i told you of mine was to let you know that i KNOW how you feel, and am here for you. I wish i could actually be with you, to try to comfort you. It's hard when it's just a computer screen, to really be able to SHOW someone how they ache for you.
    Your a good man, and i'm SURE your Mom is proud of you!!!
     
  17. bozz_2006

    bozz_2006 Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2006
    Messages:
    4,571
    Ratings:
    +650
    Kevin, what is her name?
     
  18. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    I took my replies and put them into one post. I just didn't want to have a bunch of replies bouncing around.
    I know you didn't try to make me feel that my loss is less or anything. I was raised to keep in mind that no matter how bad I have it, someone has it worse. It reminded me of that.


    Linda M. Thompson
     
  19. bozz_2006

    bozz_2006 Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2006
    Messages:
    4,571
    Ratings:
    +650
    Almighty God, source of all mercy and giver of comfort, graciously tend to all those who mourn, Kevin, his family, and loved ones, so that casting their sorrow on you, they may know the consolation of your love for them. Into your hands, O Lord, we commend Linda. Receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. We thank your, Lord, for the life of Linda Thompson, who has touched Kevin so richly.

    Holy God, you have destroyed the power of death. Keep Linda in the company of all the saints. And at last, God, raise her up to share with all the faithful the endless joy and peace won through the glorious resurrection of Christ.

    Merciful God, you heal the broken-hearted and bind up the wounds of the afflicted. Strengthen us in our weakness, calm our troubled spirits, and dispel our doubts and fears. In Christ’s rising from the dead, you conquered death and opened the gates to everlasting life. Renew our hope in you that by the power of your love Kevin will be brought together again with his mom. Grant this, we pray, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
     
  20. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,000
    Ratings:
    +3
    Amen Bozz. Amen.
     
  21. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,000
    Ratings:
    +3
    Oh....sorry.....i see that now. (I'm a little slow)
    You are right though.........I'm sure you are thankful that you had a loving home. I did too. Many kids don't have that today. Dang.......I'm sitting here.....and trying to come up with something that would really help you.
    I guess the only thing i have is true pain for you, and to let you know I'm here for you.
    Bozz said a beautiful prayer, and i feel the same and want the same for you.
     
  22. Zero2Cool

    Zero2Cool I own a website

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,903
    Ratings:
    +8
    Amen.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  23. adamwest

    adamwest Cheesehead

    Joined:
    May 2, 2008
    Messages:
    4
    Ratings:
    +0
    Kevin, take solis in the fact that she is in a better place and she is looking down at you right now! It is not right that we get to stay behind and suffer so.

    But I'm sure that she would want you to continue on and honor her by your thoughts, words and actions.

    Just think how much better this world would be if everyone acted like their mother is watching everything they do...

    Keep your chin up brother!
     
  24. Heatherthepackgirl

    Heatherthepackgirl Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2005
    Messages:
    2,274
    Ratings:
    +0
    I've been talking to my mom pretty much non stop when I am alone. Hearing others say to do that made me feel less crazy. When I found out she had passed, I was driving up north to be there with my family. I caught myself talking to her and thought, stop talking, you'll see her in an hour.
    Then I seen her in the funeral home, laying motionless. I wanted to grab her arm an tug an say 'mom cmon lets go, lets get out of here'. I just wanted to tell her a story to make her laugh an smile again, just one more time.





    This really touched me. NO Zero you are NOT crazy, people handle loss in different ways, what is comforting to one may not be comforting to others. You just have to find "your" way. And whatever way that is and it works then do it who cares what others may think.

    How old was your Mom Zero? No one is prepared to handle a loss of a parent/child and for me and others pets. I wished god would take the bad people and leave the good people here on earth. I know this isnt possible, but I always think about this.

    When my Mom was getting worse and I came and posted what had happened, all you guys made me feel so much better. Ed also compiled a bunch of pictures of our trips back to WI for a remberence to my family, we sent them out as Xmas gifts to my family. That really helped me to. I remember all the good times we have had and hopefully will continue to have together. One never knows if we will be here tomorrow, so we have to make the most out of today, dont take things for granted which I know we all do and its easy to do.

    Again my heart goes out to you and your family.
     
  25. TheKanataThrilla

    TheKanataThrilla Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2007
    Messages:
    320
    Ratings:
    +0
    This is a pretty difficult thread for me. I do not handle these types of situations well at all, and as someone who has gone through it one would think it would get easier, but it doesn't. I lost my father going on 13 years now, I had just graduated from University when he lost his 3rd battle with cancer.

    I am leaving to go home tomorrow as my brother is getting married this weekend. I don't get home much, but when I do, I go visit his grave and tell him what is going on in my life. As I got engaged myself just recently it is going to hit hard thinking of all the things he is going to miss in our lives.

    I found one of the things that really helped me was to get active. If you are into athletics do some running with some music pumping. Myself I loved to play golf and walk the course to enjoy nature and being outdoors to get away for a while. You also need your quiet time, but if anything I would try and stay away from the booze. Right after my father died that was the route that I took to deal with the pain, if anything it just made things worse.

    It is going to take quite a while to start feeling "normal" again, but this is a great site to get your mind into a happy place for just a few moments with some friends.
     

Share This Page