1. Welcome to Green Bay Packers NFL Football Forum & Community!
    Packer Forum is one of the largest online communities for the Green Bay Packers.

    You are currently viewing our community forums as a guest user.

    Sign Up or

    Having an account grants you additional privileges, such as creating and participating in discussions. Furthermore, we hide most of the ads once you register as a member!
  2. Announcement is LIVE: Read the Forum Post

Post a Joke Thread

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by robdog, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    We're not old - just a little seasoned.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    An old farm boy dirty joke.
    Which animal has the largger, more fulfilling er ... um ... unit, the boar or the bull?
    The boar, when the bull is finished, the cow goes moooooore. When the boar is finished, the sow goes nuff-nuff-nuff-nuff.
     
  3. SanDiegoCheese

    SanDiegoCheese West Coast Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2011
    Messages:
    841
    Ratings:
    +185
    This one if for my fellow nerds LOL!

    What do toilet Paper and the Starship enterprise have in common?

    The both circle Uranus in search of Klingons. :roflmao:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    Vikings New Retractable Roof Design.

    Vikings roof.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 4
  5. nurse_sa

    nurse_sa Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2011
    Messages:
    42
    Ratings:
    +25
    What is the difference between a baby and a Bears fan?

    The baby will stop whining after awhile.

    :laugh:

     
    • Like Like x 4
  6. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    Why was the cheese so bleau?

    It lost its whey.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Unomee

    Unomee Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    197
    Ratings:
    +37
    Did you hear about the dyslexic policeman?

    He was issuing IUD's
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    An older woman who likes younger men is a cougar. An older man who likes younger men is a Nittany Lion.
     
  9. Unomee

    Unomee Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    197
    Ratings:
    +37
    Haw! That didn't take long...
     
  10. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    A redneck letter from a mother to her son:

    Dear Son,

    I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.
    We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.
    We won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place has a washing machine.
    The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

    It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
    The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

    About your sister, she had a baby this morning.
    I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so we don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat.
    Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.
    We cremated him and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.
    One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery.
    The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

    Not much more news this time.
    Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will
    send another one.

    Love, Ma
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    A DOG NAMED SEX
    Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or *spot*. I called mine *sex*. Now sex has been very embarrassing to me when I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license for sex. I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex he said. "I would like to have one too!". Then I said, "she is a dog!!". He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "you don't understand. I had sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
    When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the justice of peace. My family was barred from the church then on.
    When my wife and went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "me too!"
    One day I entered sex in a contest. But before the competition began, sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand!!" I said. "I hoped to have sex on TV!!". He called me a show off.
    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "your honour. I had sex before I was married, but sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "me too!!"
    Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for sex." My case comes up next Thursday.
    Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, "what seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "sex has been my best friend all of my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer. So lonely." The doctor said, "look mister you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend. So get yourself a dog."
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    How many Packers players does it take to change a light bulb?

    Just Aaron Rodgers but it takes him three hours because he never likes the way he puts it in and keeps on doing it till he is sure he got it right.
    (Just a little ribbing at our awesome and perfectionist minded quarterback!)
     
  13. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    4,374
    Ratings:
    +1,123
    LOL I really had to think my way through that one.
     
  14. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    Yeah, I love cerebral humor.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?"
    The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish."
    "Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."
    The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.
    The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"
     
    • Like Like x 2
  16. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
    After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
    The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
    The first guy says, "So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?"
    The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
    The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
    The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
    The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
    The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
    The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
    The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1994."
    The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1994 my own self."
    About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
    The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
    Quack, quack, quack.
     
  18. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    Who was the only one not hungry when Thansgiving began?

    The turkey. He was already stuffed.
     
  19. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,417
    Ratings:
    +1,036
    What was the Pilgrims favorite music?

    Plymouth Rock
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    An elderly couple who had been married for over 60 years knew that they were nearing the end of their wonderful life together.
    They made a pact that whoever died first one would contact the other from the great beyond.
    It was the husband who went first.
    Almost a year had passed when one day the widow heard:
    "Helen? Helen are you there? Can you hear me?"
    "Why yes I can. Is that you Fred?"
    "Yes it is."
    "So what's it like where you are?"
    "It's actually not too bad. I get up in the morning and have sex. Have breakfast then sex again. Take a nap, wake up and have sex. Have lunch and have sex just about all afternoon and into the early evening. After I go to bed, I get up and start all over again."
    So happy Helen says, "Oh Fred, you must be in heaven."
    "Heaven?" Fred replies. "Oh no, not at all. I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
     
  21. Texas9erFan

    Texas9erFan Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    478
    Ratings:
    +103
    A 93 year old man sat on the curb crying


    Passerby asks "What's wrong?"


    The old man moans "I'm 93, married to a 21 year old swedish underwear model who wants sex twice before breakfast and lunch, once before tea and sucks me off twice again at night!"


    Passerby says "So whats the problem?"


    The old man replies "I can't ******* remember where I live!"
     
    • Like Like x 2
  22. Kitten

    Kitten Feline Cheesehead Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Messages:
    5,093
    Ratings:
    +1,427
    That's funny! Poor guy! I merged this in with the Post a Joke thread for you! :D
     
    • Like Like x 1
  23. Texas9erFan

    Texas9erFan Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    478
    Ratings:
    +103
    Whoops! Didn't know there was a joke thread.
     
  24. Kitten

    Kitten Feline Cheesehead Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2010
    Messages:
    5,093
    Ratings:
    +1,427
    No worries, sweetie. I thought it was really funny and I didn't want it getting lost in the Atrium. The Post a Joke thread is a sticky so it will be here forever! :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  25. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,834
    Ratings:
    +2,674
    At a U2 concert in Scotland Bono asks for complete silence.
    Every few seconds he claps his hands.
    Then he says "Every time I clap my hands a child of poverty dies in Africa."
    From the crowd a voice yells out, "Then stop clappin your hands you fookin evil bastard!"
     

Share This Page