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Post a Joke Thread

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by robdog, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. mcoomer146

    mcoomer146 Cheesehead

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    DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

    All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest
    dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.

    Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls"
    trip.
    It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

    Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man .

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

    At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf
    balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for
    dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive
    and attentive.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

    Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to
    have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete
    with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined.
    Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

    Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to
    drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought
    me several large drinks.
    Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin
    for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have
    his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

    Today I saved 1600 lives.

    Twice..
     
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  2. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    Why did the elephant cross the road?





    Because the chicken retired.
     
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  3. mcoomer146

    mcoomer146 Cheesehead

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    My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"
    I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake."
     
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  4. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    I was reminded of this anecdote from the fabricated reason my windshield is broken:
    I was driving back from town the other day when I noticed a police car behind me. After checking that the cruise was set just above the speed limit I anxiously waited for the car to turn off. After a few miles, it was still there. I was within a mile from home so I started to relax. Suddenly out of the long grass a turkey started running down the road. As I braked, it took flight. It hit my windshield and flew up over the top of my truck. I glanced in the mirror and saw it landed on the hood of the squad car. Sure enough the lights came on. I could not think of a reason to get cited for unless I had inadvertently crossed the center line. I pulled over with the squad car behind me. The officer came up and handed me a ticket for ...
    ...flipping him the bird.
     
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  5. mcoomer146

    mcoomer146 Cheesehead

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    hahahahaha
     
  6. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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  7. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    Three blondes walked into a building, you would have thought one of them would have seen it.
     
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  8. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    OMG an original blonde joke. I had not heard that one b4.
     
  9. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

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    A PACKER FAN BLONDE IN A CASINO

    An attractive blonde from Green Bay, WI arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

    She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

    With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

    As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

    She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

    The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.


    Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

    The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

    MORAL OF THE STORY -

    Not all Packer Fans are drunks,
    not all blondes are dumb,
    but all men....are men.

    (you might guess that I did a little revising of the joke :haha: )



     
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  10. CarolinaPackerFan

    CarolinaPackerFan Packers fan in Panthers country

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    What's the difference in Heath Ledger and a Heath Ledger joke?


    The joke gets old.
     
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  11. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Sooooooo, that was you at Oneida late Friday night?
     
  12. IluvGB

    IluvGB I <3 Packers!!!!

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    i need to spend a little more time on this thread!

    I've never heard that one before GreenBayGal... I'm sure someone heard all of these at one time or another,..thats why there's a little ">" to go to the next one! :D
     
  13. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

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    Soooooo, that was you dealing Friday night?
     
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  14. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Sooooooooooo, when do I get my cut? BTW nice tattoo.
     
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  15. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

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    No cut. Your reward was dealing to me. :icon_wink: Worth more than money, right?
     
  16. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Depends on the bidding from the security camera footage. Need to zoom in on the jumping up and down sequence again.
     
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  17. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

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    Good one...where do I send the check?
     
  18. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Next hug, slip it in the back pocket. But leave the wallet alone.
     
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  19. mcoomer146

    mcoomer146 Cheesehead

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    A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra.

    The mom asks, "Why on earth do you need that?"

    The little boy replies, "isn't that what you give dad when HIS sh1t won't get hard?!!"
     
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  20. neilfii

    neilfii Hall of Fame Fan

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    What happens when you combine Viagra and Rogaine?

    Don King
     
  21. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a cornfield? :secret:

    The corn has ears! [​IMG]
     
  22. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'
     
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  23. mcoomer146

    mcoomer146 Cheesehead

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    BLIND COP....HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA Figures
     
  24. GreenBayGal

    GreenBayGal Cheese Goddess

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    What do men and slinkies have in common????
    Neither serve a real purpose but it's fun to watch them fall down a flight of stairs. :Heristical:

    (Now, before you guys kill me, just remember I've endured my fair share of "blonde" jokes)
     
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  25. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    An old farmer in Florida had owned a large farm with a nice pond in the back 40. It was fixed up nice: picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some Orange and peach trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
    He made some noise so the women would be aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
    The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
    Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
    Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.
     
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