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Post a Joke Thread

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by robdog, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. Oklahoma_Packer

    Oklahoma_Packer Cheesehead

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    Not really a joke, but I saw this on yahoo answers...

    "What's a good comeback for when a guy says "GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH"....

    A reply....

    "Well You Better Comeback With A God Damn Sandwich!"
     
  2. Passepartout

    Passepartout RIP Alison and Alison!

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    New England Patriots 18-1 Cried Wee, Wee, Wee, All the Way Home LOL!
     
  3. Packy

    Packy Cheesehead

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    Mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce and the costudy issue was the only sticking point so the judge decides to ask baby bear who she would like to go live with. Upon being asked if she wanted to go live with mama bear, baby bear teared up and complained, "No sir! She beats me!" So then when she was told that she would be going to live with papa bear, baby bear burst into tears and blurted "no sir! He beats me too! Worse than mama bear!"
    The smart jusdge then asks the baby bear... "is there some one that you would like to go live with?" to which baby bear's eyes lights up and a broad smile comes accross her face as she pipes up... "Oh, YES SIR!... I'd like to go live with the Chicago Bears!... They don't beat ANY body!"
     
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  4. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    Kathy got so drunk at the party she needed a ride home.
    Herb offered to take her.
    They get in his car and are driving along when some time later, Kathy blurts out, "Herb, your passionate."
    Herb put his hand on her knee and she smacks him across the face.
    A short time later Kathy again says "Herb, your passionate!"
    Hand on the knee and pow! Another slap.
    Herb pulls over and stops the car.
    "Kathy, what the hell is going on! First you tell me that I'm sexy and when I respond you slap me! Why the hell is that?"
    "Who says anything about you being sexy? My house! It's back there. Your passhin it!"
     
  5. ivo610

    ivo610 Cheesehead

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    Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean
    cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -until the boat sank. He
    found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no
    supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he
    is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen
    rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did
    you get here?"

    "I rowed over from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here
    when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with
    you."

    "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found
    on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom
    from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware.
    "How did you manage?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the South side of the
    island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if
    I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable
    ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
    hardware." Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says.

    After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed
    looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone
    walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the
    woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only
    stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,
    "It's not much, but I call it home Sit down please; would you like to have a
    drink?"

    "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut
    juice."

    "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I built a still. How about a
    Pina Colada?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her
    hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
    announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
    like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in
    the bathroom."
    No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the
    cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow
    ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "WOW!
    This woman is amazing," he muses, "what next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically
    positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
    down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to
    him, "We've been out here for a really long time. I know you've been lonely
    There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
    you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stares into his
    eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing. You mean---", he swallows excitedly,
    "We can watch Packer football from here?"
     
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  6. dooneybourke

    dooneybourke Guest

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    yes, I like the bears.
     
  7. Kitten

    Kitten Feline Cheesehead Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I was walking the streets in south Philly when I found a bottle, I rubbed it and a genie popped out!

    It said to me, "You are very lucky, you have one wish, make it count."

    I wished for "world peace" but the genie said,

    "That's too hard, wish for something else."

    So I wished to "fix the environment"

    But the genie said,

    "That's too hard, wish for something else."

    So I thought long and hard for something easier,

    "I know, I wish for the Eagles to win the Superbowl!"

    And the genie looked at me with pity in his eyes and said,

    "That's too hard, wish for something else!"
     
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  8. Green_Bay_Packers

    Green_Bay_Packers Cheesehead

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    HAHAHA Thats great thanks for posting :)
     
  9. Incubes12

    Incubes12 Bay Harbor Butcher?

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    So Brett Favre and the Vikings got to the Superbowl.
     
  10. PackerBacker92

    PackerBacker92 Cheesehead

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    if were going for jokes it should be more like


    3/4 of the Earth is covered by water, the other 1/4 is covered by Jarrett Bush
     
  11. chucknorris101

    chucknorris101 Cheesehead

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    1/4 burns Jarrett Bush
     
  12. bhepper

    bhepper Cheesehead

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    See Sig -
     
  13. JoshuaRHuffman

    JoshuaRHuffman Cheesehead

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    LOL @ bhepper. What's with all the Chuck Norris love here? Jack Bauer would kick Chuck Norris's *** any day of the week. I got Bauer's back: Bauer > Norris.

    For jokes, I enjoy writing parodies (don't make videos) to songs. I've written over 30 to date and do them to country, rock, CCM, and your wonderful pop songs of today... like Far East Movement :big_boss:. Feel free to check some of them out HERE
     
  14. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    A fellow is marooned on an island.
    He is sitting on the beach staring at the waves one day when all of a sudden a scuba diver comes out of the waves and walks towards him!
    The diver removes the goggles and the man sees that it is a beautiful woman.
    She then says, "You must have been here a long time. Would you like a drink?"
    The man says "That would be great."
    So the woman unzips her suit a little and pulls out a martini glass and a shaker and pours the martini and gives it to the man.
    He's sipping the drink when she asks, "How about a smoke?"
    The man eagerly accepts, she unzips her suit a bit more and pulls out a cigar and lighter.
    After a few puffs and a few more sips, she then asks "So. Would you like to play around?"
    The man stares at her in amazement and all he can say is "What!? You got a set of golf clubs in there too?"


    There's a new lumberjack in camp.
    One day, feeling anxious and horny he asks the foreman, "So. What do you all do for excitement around here?"
    The boss points to a shed. "Ya see that shed? Well, inside is a barrel with a hole. You go in there, drop your pants and have your way with the hole."
    The worker says, "Sounds good. I'll go and give it a try right now."
    A few minutes later he comes out, goes up to the foreman and says, "That was great! Can I do that everyday?"
    "Everyday but Saturday" replies the foreman.
    "Why not Saturday" asks the lumberjack.
    Without missing a beat the foreman answers "Because Saturday is your day to be in the barrel."
     
  15. longtimefan

    longtimefan Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

    Soon after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

    "It depends", she replied. "What does it say on your shirt??”

    He yelled back, "Go Vikings!!"

    She replied-"Use hot water, a box of Tide, and four cups of bleach".
     
  16. Forget Favre

    Forget Favre Cheesehead

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    The two beautiful lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
    I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.

    It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,
    "I wanna watch."


    Why is air a lot like sex?

    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.





    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -

    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t.....



    A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

    "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

    "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

    "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

    The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."


    A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's
    opened by a little fifteen year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one
    hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked
    under his arm.

    Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

    Little boy: "What the hell do you think?"






     
  17. IluvGB

    IluvGB I <3 Packers!!!!

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    can't figure out how to make pictures bigger, and/ or delete a post. Sorry! LOL!

    The title of the pic, i'm trying to get on here was "why men shouldn't take messages!
     

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  18. GreenGoldAngel

    GreenGoldAngel Banned Banned

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    A young man walks into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
    "Well," the customer replies, "I've been seeing this girl for a while, and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the night'. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves, excited.
    Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer and continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
    He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
    Miracle Drug
     
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  19. Green_Bay_Packers

    Green_Bay_Packers Cheesehead

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    HAHAHA Thats a good one
     
  20. ClayMatthews

    ClayMatthews Cheesehead

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    Here's my joke.....

    The Vikings season
     
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  21. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    We've had quite a bit of rain this spring. The other day during a break in the clouds I was working in the yard. Up pulls a car and three hippies get out. I mean direct from the commune type. Anyway I know they aren't local because of their accent. They ask if I have any rabbits or birds to sell. (I live on a small farm.) When I say know, they expressed further interest for they were looking for breeding pairs. When I asked for their name in case I knew of someone, they said they were brothers, the sons of Noah.
     
  22. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes
    (he is 66). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
    I noticed he was watching someone sitting next to him.

    The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours -
    green, red, orange & blue - and my dad kept staring at her.

    The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.
    When she'd finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:

    "What's the matter old man, never done anything
    wild in your life?"

    Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn't choke on
    his response - I knew he'd have a good one!

    In classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid:

    "Got stoned once and screwed a peacock.
    I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
     
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  23. Raptorman

    Raptorman Vikings fan since 1966.

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    A lady walks into a pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist about Viagra.

    Lady:"Does it really work"

    Pharmacist: "It sure does, I have used it myself".

    Lady: "Can you get it over the counter?"

    Pharmacist: "If I take two I can."
     
  24. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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    Clipped from an old email I had saved:


    ALL PUNS INTENDED
    >>
    >> 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
    >> ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
    >>
    >> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve
    >> you, but don't start anything.'
    >>
    >> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
    >>
    >> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
    >>
    >> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
    >> says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
    >>
    >> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does
    >> this taste funny to you?'
    >>
    >> 7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
    >> 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's
    >> Not Unusual.'
    >>
    >> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
    >> Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning .' 'I don't
    >> believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
    >>
    >> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
    >> nothing to look at either.
    >>
    >> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
    >>
    >> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
    >> couldn't find any.
    >>
    >> 12. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
    >> which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
    >> very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
    >> suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
    >> it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    >>
    >> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week. . I pulled a mussel.
    >>
    >> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
    >>
    >> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
    >> and says, 'Dam!'
    >>
    >> 16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
    >> standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
    >> After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked
    >> them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
    >> 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
    >> foyer..'
    >>
    >> 17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
    >> goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a
    >> family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a
    >> picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
    >> she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
    >> Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
    >> seen Ahmal.'
    >>
    >> 18. And finally, there was the person who sent eighteen different puns
    >> to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
    >> them laugh. No pun in ten did it.
    >>
     
  25. Poppa San

    Poppa San SB I trophy First of four Staff Member Moderator

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