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Desperate for change, Davis announces makeover for Raiders

Discussion in 'All Other Team Discussions' started by PackFanInSC, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. PackFanInSC

    PackFanInSC Cheesehead

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    Desperate for change, Davis announces stunning makeover for franchise -- RealSports365.com



    Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis apparently figured that change -- any change -- would do his franchise some good after five years of chaos and more than 20 without a Lombardi. Thus came the announcement from the Raider front office that the team would be donning new colors from the 2008 season.

    Spokesmen for the Raiders explained that, while the silver and black colors would remain in highlighting on the new home and away jerseys, the team's new main colors will be paisley and white.

    Reaction from Raider players and fans was mostly positive to the idea.

    "Look, I know that the old colors made us look badass," said 6-foot-7, 335-pound DT Terdell Sands. "But have you ever tried to play a game in September in Arizona wearing black? Talk about your global warming ..."

    Receiver Tim Dwight agreed with Sands' sentiments and added that the change made an important strategic difference as well.

    "Remember last season when the Eagles broke out those blue and yellow things? The Lions players saw them, started laughing too hard to play, and got 56 points run up on them. This new look is going to get us nine wins without even trying. Which is how this team likes it, incidentally," said Dwight.

    Perhaps most enthused of all about the switch was prospective starting quarterback JaMarcus Russell.

    "Don't they say that wearing paisley makes you look, like, fifty pounds lighter? That means I'm already at 250 and camp hasn't even started yet. I just gotta drop 15 more or so, and I'm good to go. And hey, I can do that just by skipping lunch before the weigh-in," Russell commented.

    Some Raiders, however, were not so enthusiastic.

    "How many more years do I have to stay here?" asked CB Nnamdi Asomugha into a cell phone after getting his first look at Oakland's new look. "One? Is there any way that can be shortened? Franchise tag? What do you mean, #$@#$@# franchise tag? @#@#$@# the @#@#@#$@#$ franchise tag, you @#$@#$@#$@. Get me the @!#@#!@! out of this !@#!@#!@##!@$!@#$!@#!$!@#$!@#$!@# pansy outfit."

    "The color may be controversial," said Biletnikoff Miller of official online store The Raider Image, "but the pre-orders for the new jerseys and caps has been phenomenal. OK, decent. Yes. Write that: 'Decent.'"

    Though not divulging any actual sales figures to RealFootball365.com, Miller did state that, in terms of orders placed, there have been "definitely more than zero. Definitely."

    Casper Madden "Snake" O'Neill, blogging at Raidersarethegreatesteverdontmesswithus.com, represented the dissenting fan's view when he opined in a post that the new change was "stupid," and going on to complain, "How much money have I invested in this stuff over the years? I got the clothes, the pillowcases, the nail polish for the wife and the pit bull, even the Snakemobile is silver!!! This is a stupid excuse for the league to make millions of dollars off our Raiders!!!!! That reminds me, has anyone seen the new stuff on The Raider Image..."

    "Well, I love it," said Sandy Smith, simultaneously cradling her paisley-outfitted 4-month-old twins. "Ever since I met [my husband] Tom, he's worn nothing but black and silver. I even had a black and silver wedding dress. Which is fine, I guess, but after a while it gets a bit boring. I want Marcus and Bo here to grow up with a little sensitivity, too, you know, and besides I always thought that pirate guy on the logo was a little YMCA, if you know what I mean."

    "Personally," opined head coach Lane Kiffin, "I think this is pure #@$@#$@. Paisley? Is this a joke? What football team wears paisley? What's that? I can stay as head coach? Um, forget I said anything. Love it. Love the new uniforms. Love Oakland. Love Al Davis. That stuff about #@$@#$@ was off the record, right?"

    In a statement surely dutifully transcribed as the words left King Al's lips, Davis' personal secretary Waylon "Phil Vilapiano" Smithers quoted the Raider owner as explaining that "Times change and the old colors just weren't doing it for us anymore. This is the 20th century -- I mean, the 21st. Paisley is a great color, highly marketable, and if the city of Oakland has a problem with it, well, that's nothing a little move to Sacramento wouldn't fix. Just win, baby. Now quit writing, peel me a grape and start applying that immortality salve."

    Happy April 1, Raider Nation, from RealFootball365.com!

    Editor's note: Apologies in advance to any breast cancer survivors or loved ones affected by this terrible disease. The choice of colors was in jest. We understand and respect the fact that pink and white is worn by fans leaguewide to support the fight against breast cancer. For more information, visit American Cancer Society
     
  2. pack_in_black

    pack_in_black Cheesehead

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    That was pretty good. Except for the disclaimer at the bottom. What a bunch of boo-hooing, PC sports fans, to write angry responses about a color. A freaking color!!! There was no reference to breast cancer anywhere in the article till they had to put in the editor's note. Cry me a freakin river...

    /politics off.
     
  3. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

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    "Political correctness" ruins another fun idea. :roll:
    No surprise there!
     
  4. Zombieslayer

    Zombieslayer Cheesehead

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    Re: Desperate for change, Davis announces makeover for Raide

    We should have disclaimers for everything.

    I should change my sig to an apology to any fan of any team that the Packers have ever beaten. You know, you can really hurt someone's feelings by rooting for a football team, then your team wins. The horror!

    Oh, don't forget to wear your bike helmet.
     
  5. cheesey

    cheesey Cheesehead

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    Re: Desperate for change, Davis announces makeover for Raide

    I know.......i need to apologize for my sig, which shows mice (sorry AADP) and those mice have eaten holes in the cheese. There are children starving all over the world, and here i am feeding mice. Thats not being sensitive.


    :roll: :lol:
     

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