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Reaching out...

Discussion in 'The Atrium' started by Zero2Cool, May 6, 2008.

  1. Zero2Cool
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    Zero2Cool Cheesehead

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    Thanks. The mentality of she is in a better place and no longer suffering is something I'm trying to make myself believe. It's so easy to be selfish and think "im going to miss her" but she was in a lot of pain.

    You know its odd you mention that. I feel like she is watching everything I do. I'm kind of afraid to laugh and have a good time because I'm scared she'll think I don't miss her. I mean I know she knows better, but I guess its just one of those paranoid feelings.



    mom was 45. I thought I prepared myself for this, but I ... obviously failed. Mom lost her dad when she was 11 and she never really got over that. She started drinking and ultimately that's the disease that took her life.
    Very true, you never know when someone will be gone tomorrow. I remember leaving work last Tuesday on a high horse. I made my boss laugh and well I've always gotten a kick out of making other smile and laugh. I remember walking out thinking life is getting better for me. I was planning on surprising my mom on mothers day too. I was going to bring Keiana (my daughter) up to see her. She would have been so thrilled. I had no clue the news I would receive just 12 hours later.
    I always tried to not take things for granted and now, I make sure of it. Instead of thinking of doing something, I do it because I might not get that chance tomorrow.
    When I seen Mom at the funeral home laying on the hospital bed with wheels I kept thinking that I wanted to just give her a kiss good-bye, but I was scared to. Thats when I started thinking 'mom cmon lets go, lets get out of here' and I realized she can't. I quickly leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and told her that I loved her. I hope she heard me.



    I'm sorry for your loss. The getting married thing came to my mind the other day. Mom always wanted me to get hitched, but I've been so busy trying to get an education and raise my daughter I haven't had time to really consider it. My thinking now, and this will probably change, but I don't want to get married ever if mom can't be there.

    I actually don't drink at all. I've seen too much hardship come from it as well as the damage it was doing to mom. Being active, mom always said I seemed happier when I was working out too. I was going to start again this morning, but when I looked at it I just started to cry and went upstairs and went to work instead.
  2. NodakPaul
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    NodakPaul Cheesehead

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    Zero, I am truly sorry for your loss.

    Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it will help dampen the pain. But for now, the best thing to do is to reach out to the people around you. Your family, your friends, your church. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

    You will be in my prayers.
  3. cheesey
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    cheesey Cheesehead

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    Zero........don't be afraid to laugh. Your Mom would want you too, I'm SURE of that.
    The sun will shine again........there is part of your Mom in you, and in your daughter.
  4. Zombieslayer
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    Zombieslayer Cheesehead

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    45 is WAY to young to go.
    That's absolutely heartbreaking.

    I'm so sorry to hear that, Zero. You've gone through a lot in the past few years and definitely don't need this right now. She is someone who was there for you and helped keep you together.

    You'll be in my prayers tonight. I can't imagine what you're going through. I never had an experience this bad, so I don't think I could help you other than saying stay strong and stand tall. There are those who need you, especially your child. You need to stay strong. That's what your mother would have wanted.
  5. Green_Bay_Packers
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    Green_Bay_Packers Cheesehead

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    Zero I feel so sorry for your loss I haven't lost anyone yet can't imagine life without my mum or my step dad or people around me, i nearly lost a close friend to cancer though god I would have struggled, Anyway Zero i don't know what to say... yeah still don't :(
  6. PackinSteel
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    PackinSteel Cheesehead

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    Sorry to hear of this Zero. Can't even begin to say "I know how you feel" but I sure do know how I would feel...
  7. djcubez
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    I've only been around here for a month but this entire post touches me just to be a part of a community that shows support like this.

    Zero, I know I've never known you but I hope, pray, and wish you have the courage to survive this part of your life. It may seem bleak but there's plenty of opportunities in life for you to enjoy, I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to dwell on her death but instead reflect on the good life that she led and all the memories she left behind. You have my respect and condolences.
  8. Zero2Cool
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    I've been reaching to everyone I can think of and them some. Normally I've been the person who just keeps things in and deals with them, but this is something I'm just not strong enough to overcome.



    I told myself that same thing. I was laughing at something in the radio and stopped right away an said sorry mom, don't think just because I'm laughing that means I miss you any less. Then thought I think she'd want me to be happy and not crying everyday. I mean she has to know I miss her, she has to.

    Keiana is having a hard time understanding it all. I explained it to her once and that's all. She's only six. I will wait until she's older. Mom gave her some disney books awhile back and now those are the only books she wants me to read to her at night.


    I thought I knew how I'd feel, but its so much deeper a pain than I imagined.


    I don't want to say its getting easier or better because it never will, but I think the more I talk to others, regardless of the topic I'm able to accept it more.







    To all, sorry for the late replies, but Keiana was sick yesterday and I didn't get a chance to get on the computer. Thank you all for your time and comments, it means a lot to me. Thank you.
  9. cheesey
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    Kevin....you don't have to apologize about anything. With what you are going through, and now your little girl being sick, to say you have alot on your plate is an understatement.
    I know how having people there for you can be a great help. It doesn't show weakness that you can't handle this alone. To me, it takes a bigger man to admit he needs help, then to try to be "tough". When Jesus found out that his friend Lazurus died, he wept. My Dad taught me that scripture, and taught me never to be ashamed to show emotion.
    We are still praying for your strength to get through this.
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  10. Zero2Cool
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    Zero2Cool Cheesehead

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    Nearly four years now ...
  11. Vltrophy
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    Zero,sorry for your loss. Mothers are so very important. It takes a strong person to ask for help. Many people think of submission as a sign of weakness. That's not true. I don't know what you believe spiritually but I personally believe in Jesus Christ. He submitted to God's will. Asking for help is not a burden. People deal w/it different ways. Whether it's "talking to your mom" telling her you miss her can help you through it. God allows things to happen for a reason. You having trouble w/this right now & working through it could be God's way of allowing you to help someone down the road. People don't cross our path just to cross paths. God has a reason & a plan for you. God will not put more on you than what you can handle. You can lean on your family & friends BUT you need to lean on God first & foremost.
  12. Vltrophy
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    I agree w/you 1000%
  13. AmishMafia
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    AmishMafia There's cheese under that hat

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    Didn't realize right away that you started this thread 4 years ago.

    How are you doing now?

    I was married to an alcoholic. I know the frustration and the issues that can cause in your life. Watching someone you love destroy themselves on purpose is . . . tough to describe.

    Alcoholics Anonymous isn't just for alcoholics. Its also very helpful to help loved ones understand.
  14. GreenBayGal
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    On behalf of your mom, <hugs, hugs, hugs> Thanks for loving her.
  15. Zero2Cool
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    I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. Some days are more difficult than others, can't deny that. Frustrating is definitely and understatement. You see so clearly what they are doing, and yet they don't and sometimes do ... yet continue anyway. The only solace we have is she's no longer in pain.
  16. AmishMafia
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    AmishMafia There's cheese under that hat

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    It's easy to think "if she loves me why doesn't she want to be with me." Why does she want to withdraw from me, drown her sorrows, rather than allow you to help and cope. It just doesn't work that way in the mind of an alcoholic. I was lucky in that the first gal I dated after was married to an alcoholic also. She went to AA for years and we had conversations literally hours on end about living with a drunk. Not sure I still understand why but at least I stopped blaming myself.

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