Wife: Honey,how long has our 10 yr marriage seemed to last for you? Husband: A second Wife: How much is a $1000 dollars to you? Husband: A coin Wife: Honey could you please give me a coin? Husband: Sure,just a second
Two blondes returned from the bar and discovered the keys were locked in the car. They couldn't nudge the window down and couldn't find a wire hanger to pull up the inside door handle. The driver finally says, "I give up." The other blonde says, "You can't stop trying. We HAVE to get in the car. It's starting to rain and the top is down!!"
This blonde bartender is standing at one end of the bar, when a horse walks in and sits at the other end. The blonde bartender studies the horse for a while, then walks over to his end of the bar, looks at him, and asks the horse, "Oh, what's the matter, big fella...why the long face?"
A few minutes later, in that same bar, a penguin runs into the bar, breathing heavily and hardly able to talk. The blonde bartender goes over to the penguin and asks, "What happened? Why are you so excited? What's wrong?" Finally catching his breath, the penguin shouts, "I've lost my brother. He was standing right next to me outside, but then he seemed to disappear. Did he come in here? Have you seen him?" The blonde bartender thinks a bit, then asks the penguin, "I don't know for sure. What does he look like?"
Most people believe there is a right way & a wrong way to put TP on the roll. When going to a friends house & using their bathroom put their TP on the opposite way & see how long it takes them to notice & say something
I just learned something about an old joke that I never knew. The phrase "going over to the other side" is used referring to death. So when the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, there is a play on words. Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2
A scrawny little man takes a new job as a bartender in a saloon in the old west days. During the training the boss tells him, "Whatever you do, just remember one thing. If you ever hear of Big Bill coming to town, stop everything and get out of here!" Time passes and everything is going fine until one day one of the townsfolk rushes in and yells, "Big Bill is coming to town!!" So everyone rushes out but the bartender can't escape. Soon a big touch looking thug with a big black bushy beard comes riding up on a buffalo. He smashes down the doors, knocks over a few tables and chairs and makes his way up to the bar, eyes the bar keep and bellows out, "Give me the strongest thing ya got!!" while smashing the bar counter in two with his fist. The bar keep hands him a full bottle of Rot Gut. It's chugged down all in one gulp. A coin is tossed into the bar man's hand. "Thanx" says the patron as he starts to ride away. 'Well, that wasn't so bad,' thought the bartender. "Say, why don't ya stick around?" "Can't," comes back the reply. "I gotta get outta here. Big Bill is coming to town!"
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section. The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here." After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here." The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss. "I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
Wow.. I have heard this joke 1248573 times and have never fully understood it. This has changed my life. Thank you.
Maybe this one was already posted, bing a football forum and all. Q: What does a Vikings fan do when they win the Superbowl? A: He shuts off the xbox and goes to bed.
I heard that if the replacement refs had stayed much longer, Bret Favre was coming out of retirement. He heard that an interception in the end zone counts as a touchdown.
Family guy, the Griffens are climbing Mt. Everest. They are cold, starving, lost in a storm and find a frozen kid. They eat him to survive. They then meet the kids parents looking for him. Father: Have you seen our son? We're afraid he fell into a crevice. Peter Griffen: My gut tells me your son will be climbing out of a crevice real soon.
One I made up a few years ago: A Packers fan, Bears fan, Lions fan and Vikings fan, walk into the Packers Hall of Fame. After a while they walk upon the four Lombardi's sitting so nicely, the Packer fan says, "Aren't they so beautiful, you know it means so much to our team when we win, having our former head coach's name that is on the trphy given to the best team each years." The Bears fan blows it off, "the '85 Bears are still the best try going 18-1 stinky cheese head" The Vikings fans frowns, "We'll win one eventually." The Lions fans looks at the trophies with a confused gazed look after a minute finally asked loudly, "What the hell is the super bowl?"
