Post a Joke Thread

Spit the grenade out GBG!

Why did the Chicago Bears ban rectal thermometers?
They cause too much brain damage

A blonde walks into the Dr.s office. The Dr. walks in & asks whats wrong. The blonde says"Doc,I hurt all over." Confused the Dr. says "What do you mean you hurt all over?" The blonde says "I'll show you." She touches her leg,OW! She touches her arm,OW! Next she touches her earlobe,OW! Even my hair hurts when I touch it. Dr. sits back for 5 min. & thinks....he replies,is blonde your natural color? "Why yes." She replied, Dr. answers,you have a broken finger.

By the time u make ends meet they move again

How many fisherman does it take to change a light bulb?
One. You should've seen the bulb,it was this big

What would you get if you crossed a cow w/a rabbit?
Hare in your milk

God made man & rested
God made woman & then no one rested

2 kids were sitting outside a clinic. The second kid was crying.
kid1:Why are you crying?
kid2:I came here for a blood test.
kid1:So? Are you afraid?
kid2:No,for the blood test they cut my finger.
kid1:at this the 1st kid started crying profusely.
kid2:Why are you crying now?
kid1:I came here for a urine test

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."

As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along towards the north,
they spotted a war party of 50 Apaches coming at them. They turned
south and spotted a war party of 100 braves coming at them. Then,
they turned east and spotted a war party of 150 braves coming at
them. Finally, they turned west and spotted a war party of
200 braves coming at them.
The Lone Ranger turned to his friend and said, "Well, Tonto,
this is the end, there's not much we can do."
Tonto looked back at the Lone Ranger, and replied, "What you
mean WE, white man?"

Once there was this smart blonde ...

Hey longtimefan,I've read where you can delete a post in the forum about living in GB. Could you please delete this poor tasteless joke about Jerrys kids? It would be much appreciated!!!

Things that make you go hmmmm
Restaurants serve chicken fingers,do chickens really have fingers? Hmmmm
DiRECTions on a pill bottle:Take 2 capsules by mouth. WOW thanks for telling me I would've taken them RECTally. Hmmmm
Swimming sign don't pee in my pool & I won't swim in your toilet. Hmmmmmmmmm
Why do we park in a drive way & drive on a park way? Hmmmmmmm

When you realize that you didn't bring something you were supposed to why do you say "I forgot?" Hmmmmmm
If you really forgot then you wouldn't have remembered what it is you didn't bring or have. Hmmmmmmm
Why is it called "Rush hour traffic" when it isn't really rushing? Hmmmmmmm
Why do people at a stop light move up a few inches to the car in front if there is a gap? Hmmmmmm

I'm a movie buff.
I like to go out and watch movies.
In the buff.

This friend of mine recently confessed that he plays Russian Roulette while driving.
What's really odd is that he wears his seatbelt when he does it.

The other day I woke up feeling really horny.
So I took care of the situation by playing my trumpet.
(You can interpret that however you want to.)

I'm starting to write song parodies of Weird Al Yankovick's song parodies.

The other day I had a dream that I was falling.
And then when I woke up I really was falling!
Apparently I had taken a nap while sky diving.

Sometimes when I get into a really mean and angry mood I'll park a Budweiser truck in front of the place where they're having an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Recently I became a vegetarian.
I couldn't stand the thought of eating any more animals.
The human animal.

An Irishman walks out of a bar

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
.
One less drunk

Man you guys are slacking on these jokes! Let me help!

What has 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard

I saw a sign that said, "watch for kids," I thought, "that's a fair trade."

I think every fight is a food fight if you're a cannibal.

A priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar and the bartender goes, "what is this, a joke?"

A prostitute is in the forest and runs into a koala bear. She asks if he wants to have sex. He does. They have sex, and the koala bear starts to leave. The prostitute goes, "WOAH! Where are you going?! I'm a prostitute, you didn't pay! Look it up in the dictionary...see? Prostitute: has sex for money." The koala bear replies, "look up koala bear." "Fine," says the prostitute, "koala bear: eats bush and leaves."

What kind of bear has no teeth?
A gummy bear!

Did you hear about the latest pirate movie? It's rated ARGHHHH!

What do you call a smart blonde? Golden Retriever.

Why do you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway.

The ending, "way" means "road." In 1931, we built a road through a national park in Virginia. From then on, every road that was built through a long, wooded area was deemed parkway. Park for the wooded area and way for road.

Driveway is the same. We park in the driveway despite the driveway simply meaning a road to drive on. It leads you somewhere, either you garage or your back yard.

Its a joke dude, no need for an explanation.....geez.

The explanation was supposed to be a joke in itself

Your trying too hard.

Q- what does the stripper do with her a** hole before work?
A- drops him off at band practice

Q- what do you do when the guitar player knocks on your door?
A- pay him for the pizza